Week 11 Recap - The Mormon Missile

 

This week brought shapeshifting Mormons, one elimination, and a whole lot of table-setting for what will be a cheek-clenching final two weeks in the LTML Regular Season. After the recaps, I will break down the playoff picture and the scenarios that the teams on the bubble face. Let’s get to it!

WEEK 11 RECAP

When Does Hockey Start (3-8) def. Respect the Specks (3-8)

138.98 - 126.76

When Does Hockey Start awakened from its 6-loss slumber in time to defeat Respect the Specks and drag them into the realm of the consolation bracket. The story of this game was the clash of the QB/TE’s. Or the QB/QB/TE’s… it wasn’t super clear. In case you missed it, the buzz across all of Fantasy Football this week was Saints gadget TE Taysom Hill getting the start at QB for the injured Drew Brees. Some formats changed his position straight into QB, but ESPN took a page out of Fantasy Baseball and gave him dual eligibility to start at QB or TE. The Harts continue to be shrewd players on the waiver wire, having snapped up Hill way back on Week 10. And so, a couple weeks after starting a double TE lineup, GOGS found a way to run a 0 TE 2 QB lineup. After a slow start, Hill had an excellent 2nd half and finished with 24.4 points. Outstanding numbers for a TE in 2020, and good enough to lead GOGS for the week and set them up with a hefty cushion with just 2 major players left on Sunday night for WILD. Those players: Patrick Mahomes and Travis Kelce. Kelce calmly asked Hill to hold his beer before turning in 26 points in a delicious, if a bit anticlimactic, display of one-upmanship. The Wombo Combo cleared the deficit and left Ryan Succop to be the MNF cherry-on-top. On Monday, ESPN announced that Hill would only be eligible at QB going forward, and thus the Mormon Missile’s reign of terror at TE has come to an end.

This loss officially eliminated GOGS from the Championship bracket. Even though the season may be lost, I think it’s safe to say that there is no team more entertaining from a roster construction perspective than Nathan and Katie Hart’s Respect the Specks. Here’s to next draft where I have them taking Jake Fromm 3rd overall.

Hostert With The Mostert (6-5) def. Hospital for Injured RB’s (6-5)

149.56 - 83.8

Hostert With The Mostert gets an important win and cruises to victory over the newly registered Hospital for Injured RB’s. For the second straight week it was an all-hands-on-deck, no busts effort by HOST. All players, including specialists, posted in the double-digits, and the lowest scoring skill player was Terry McLaurin with 13.4. When that’s your floor, you’re gonna have a good time. RBIR had issues where you’d expect, as evidenced by Duke Johnson’s 3rd straight start, but alarmingly it was the WR’s that played as if they were physically ill. A quality spot-start by Cam Newton and Eric Ebron weren’t enough to make up the difference. With two down weeks in a row, RBIR will now have to make some magic happen to keep pace in the playoff hunt. Reports indicate that both Austin Ekeler and Christian McCaffrey return in Week 13 a la Gandalf and Eomer. Indeed, like in Two Towers, RBIR will have to survive the HOST of greasy SHTS until they can look to the East at the dawn of Week 13.

Outdated Sheets (6-5) def. 3 Pete (4-7)

132.88 - 94.14

Outdated Sheets’ WR core came alive to give SHTS a clutch victory on Monday night. After last week’s well-documented let down, Michael Thomas, Robert Woods, and Cooper Kupp combined for a whopping 75 points. Derrick Henry contributed a solid 20 as well, scoring half of them during a game-winning OT run. 3P made the difficult decision to sit his Week 1 RB pair of Ezekiel Elliot and Clyde-Edwards Helaire for James Connor and Robert Jones after the former pair had faced some adversity in recent weeks. Unfortunately for 3P, it turned out to be the wrong choice, as Jones in particular struggled to get any kind of steam against the Rams’ D. Elliot and CEH flipped owner Kevin Duong the bird from the bench as they combined for 40 points. Ain’t Fantasy Football the best?

Too Many Cooks (9-2) def. Knobby Packers (7-4)

175.78 - 153.64

The showdown between the division leaders did not disappoint as a 300+ point slugfest ensued. Several star players went punch-for-punch: Keenan Allen matched Adam Thielen, Tyreek Hill matched Dionte Johnson, Wilson matched Rodgers, and even FLEX Brandin Cooks came to play and matched KNOB newcomer Kalen Ballage. In the end, it was Alvin Kamara, of all players, to buckle. Though he still broke double-digits, Kamara posted his lowest score of the season, and dropped his matchup against Iron Chef Prime Dalvin Cook by 15 points. This and Darren Waller’s return to WR1 status was enough for Too Many Cooks to gain the edge in this bitter matchup. It is especially bitter for KNOB, as they go unrewarded despite posting the 2nd highest score of the week. Of their 4 losses, 2 have come by this method. The loss also keeps KNOB from clenching their postseason spot, though a Rube-Goldberg level of things would have to happen to keep them out for good. The win does lock up the top seed for TMC, and if these teams were to meet again in the championship, as has been predicted, you can bet your ass we’re in for some more fireworks.

PLAYOFF PICTURE

1. Too Many Cooks (9-2)*

2. Knobby Packers (7-4)

3. Hostert With The Mostert (6-5)

4. Outdated Sheets (6-5)

__________________________________

5. Hospital for Injured RBs (6-5)

6. 3 Pete (4-7)

7. When Does Hockey Start (3-8)e

8. Respect The Specks (3-8)e

*-Clinched WB spot

e-Eliminated from WB contention

3 Team Meele - With the 1 & 2 seeds relatively secured, we have three 6-5 teams fighting over the two remaining Winner’s Bracket slots. RBIR has fallen from the 3rd seed and now find themselves on the outside looking in due to the Points For tiebreaker. The tiebreaker will likely loom large, as none of the three 6-5 teams play each other in the final two weeks. Let’s take a closer look at the path these three teams face:

Hostert With The Mostert - Host has two major advantages over the other contenders:

1. A 250+ lead in the Points For tiebreaker

2. They have already faced Too Many Cooks a second time.

Life will get a lot easier for HOST if they can take care of business against Respect the Specks. Though they avoid TMC, their regular season finale is against Knobby Packers, which is literally almost as challenging. If things go well this week, they can look at the finale as a chance to cheekily snipe the #2 seed from KNOB. If they do not, it turns into a dicey fight for survival against a highly challenging opponent. As any Darkest Dungeon player will tell you, overconfidence is a slow and insidious killer.

Outdated Sheets - Being on the wrong end of a few very lopsided losses earlier in the year has perhaps disguised how dangerous this team can be from week-to-week. Josh Allen and Derrick Henry provide consistency, while the WR core is full of X-factor upside. If they get 2/3 of those WR’s to boom, they can beat most teams in a given week. They might need all 3 to boom against their Week 12 opponent, Too Many Cooks, but it very well could happen. If they pull off the victory, they’ll be in good shape against the eliminated (though still dangerous) WILD. They currently lead RBIR in the Points For tiebreaker by 40, so their overall points could matter just as much as their wins or losses for that final spot.

Hospital for Injured RBs - It’s right there in the title. The fact that they’re still in the hunt given the amount of high profile injuries is commendable, but for their defiant run to continue, they’ll have to perform against the toughest schedule of the three. The first step is against a 3 Pete team that is still technically in the hunt. If they keep pace after that, their final boss is none other than Too Many Cooks. As mentioned, they’ll get a boon in the form of their top two RB’s returning for that final week. If they can make the Winners Bracket, those two may allow them to make a run for the title. They just gotta get there. 

So You’re Telling Me There’s a Chance:

3 Pete - Though the road is winding, you cannot count the champs out yet.
3 Pete makes the Winner’s Bracket if:

• They win out

• At least two of the three above teams lose out

• 3P wins the Points For tiebreaker over at least two.

3 Pete holds a slim lead over SHTS and RBIR for the tiebreaker, so those are the two teams they have the best shot with. One of those teams, RBIR, is their Week 12 opponent.

Knobby Packers - On the flip side, there is still a chance for Knobby Packers to find themselves in the consolation bracket. It’s even more unlikely than the above scenario, but technically possible, so let’s play it out for the memes. 
Knobby Packers misses the Winner’s Bracket if:

• They Lose out.

• All three 6-5 teams win out

-OR-

• They go 1-1

• All three 6-5 teams win out

• All three 6-5 must pass KNOB in Points For

Regarding that last bit, the gap between KNOB and RBIR in Points For is 337, so… probably not. Still, with two weeks to go, KNOB could wind up placing anywhere between 1-5. How neat is that?

So there you have it, the paths are laid out. All that’s left now is for you to set your rosters and hang onto your butts. 

Ah, wait, I suppose there is one more thing:

This one’s going to be short and sweet cause the playoff breakdown took so long. This week I’m giving it to 3 Pete for a classic Oof: Bench outscores the active roster. The only thing worse than an underperforming 1st round RB is one that finally decides to perform as soon as you bench him.

WEEK 12 PREVIEW

3 Pete (4-7) vs. Hospital for Injured RBs (6-5)

Too Many Cooks (9-2) vs. Outdated Sheets (6-5)

When Does Hockey Start (3-8) vs. Knobby Packers (7-4)

Hostert With The Mostert (6-5) vs. Respect The Specks (3-8)

League News

Seems the COVID flare up that’s hitting the country is also affecting the league, we’ve got a few more cases than in weeks past, so the contingency list will be up shortly after this post goes live. As a reminder, it’s optional, but the only thing it costs you is time.

Best of luck in Week 12. Have a happy Thanksgiving, folks. May the only comas you experience be food-related.

Week 10 Recap - Don't Get Eliminated!!!

 

(Further reminder that Blankenships always provide fantastic entertainment)

Week 10 brought us our first clinch and our first elimination. Which teams have gone the way of Justin Jefferson, solidifying themselves as long term players, and which have gone the way of Pat Elflein or Luke Kunin Wild jerseys? Let’s find out:

WEEK 10 RECAPS 

Too Many Cooks (8-2) def. 3 Pete (4-6)

105.72 - 100.48

It went down to the wire, but Too Many Cooks prevailed over 3 Pete, securing their 8th win and the first team in the LTML to secure a playoff berth. All memes were on hand Monday night to see if Dalvin Cook could keep his meatball brigade rolling against a highly competent Chicago defense. The rest of TMC had been held to a simmer last week in comparison to their usual numbers, and 3 Pete entered MNF with a 10 point cushion. Dalvin was projected to easily eclipse the 10-point margin, but in reality that was only half-true. Were it not for an injury to Aikeem Hicks, Dalvin may very well have not made his mark, but alas for 3 Pete the Hashmark Slinging Slasher found a way and carried TMC to a narrow victory. Interestingly, this was the first week TMC owner Aaron Preese deployed a 2-Cook package, starting Brandin Cooks after several sterling performances on the bench. The kitchen proved to be just a bit too hot for Cooks though, as he only mustard 9.9 points. Preese hinted at potential tough decisions regarding his roster, specifically the sous Cooks, as their production has been waning as of late. If he decides to temp the fantasy gods again after the results of his last attempt, I will have the popcorn ready.

For 3 Pete, this matchup was the 4th straight that was decided by 5 or fewer points. They have gone 2-2 in this stretch, and if owner Kevin Duong has not passed away from a stroke by this point he has probably experienced every possible fantasy football emotion. This week, he was on the losing end of the Carolina WR game of musical chairs, helpless as DJ Moore tripled up Robbie Anderson from the bench. Then he lost the DK Metcalf coin flip, as the mammoth WR busted for less than 5 points. Then it looked like the matchup might be salvaged by D’Andre Hopkins’ incredible hail mary catch. Finally, with just minutes left in the Monday Night game, Dalvin Cook banged his head against the brick wall of the CHI D/ST long enough to finally break through. The next stop for 3 Pete on the LTML roller coaster is against the SHTS, in a matchup that has make-or-break implications for the playoffs.

Hostert With The Mostert (5-5) def. When Does Hockey Start (2-8)

162.1 - 93.78

Hostert With The Mostert secures an emphatic, and much needed victory over When Does Hockey Start to get back to .500 and 4th place. They got great-to-excellent scores up and down the roster, riding that and the animated corpse of Jimmy Graham to the top score of the week. Josh Jacobs return to Week 1 form and the growing legend of Kyler Murray were the standouts. 

WILD becomes the league’s first elimination with their 6th straight loss. Little has gone right for them since Week 4 when they righted their ship at 2-2 (the benching of Tyler Lockett’s 50 points stands out among other instances of bad luck). This week the reliable Mahomes-Kelce wombo combo was on bye, and the Titan-heavy replacements failed to hold a candle to that missing flame.  The WILD points leader was the kicker Ryan Succop, which kinda tells you everything you need to know. It remains to be seen if owner Dan Bell will keep giving attention to his ownership duties after his team’s elimination, or if he will dive headlong into his efforts to lobby the state of Minnesota into funding his state-of-the-art indoor frisbee complex known as the “Belldome”.

Knobby Packers (7-3) def. Outdated Sheets (5-5) 

161.7 - 96.26

Knobby Packers rides a quartet of excellent performances en route to a comfortable win over Outdated Sheets. Rookie D’Andre Swift joins the usual suspects of Rodgers, Kamara, and Diggs as each dropped performances of 25 or more. That alone would be enough to clear SHTS total and make up for one or two duds elsewhere. Not much to say about KNOB except they’re really fucking good and they did all this damage despite giving Adam Theilen the week off to make off-site dental sales. On their horizon looms Too Many Cooks. It’s a blockbuster matchup that will likely determine who will start the playoffs as the #1 seed.

Going into the week, Outdated Sheets lamented having too many WR1’s the way some memes lament having too many limes. That ended up not being such an issue, as all four ended up turning into lemons on Sunday (*bows* Thank you, thank you! Yes, please put that Pulitzer over there with the others.) Not even Josh Allen’s hefty appendage could overcome the lack of WR production and a Titans game where Derrick Henry looked more mortal than he actually is. SHTS and HOST are now tied up at 5-5 and vying for the 4th seed, but SHTS must first deal with the next closest threat in 3 Pete next week. 

Respect the Specs (3-7) def. Team Grimm (6-4)

146.96 - 84.22

Respect The Specs rumbles to life with a commanding victory over Team Grimm. After weeks of mediocre production, GOGS gave their lineup a thorough shake-up and it paid off. Rookie receivers Chase Claypool and Justin Jefferson were explosive, and led the team with 20+ point efforts. The most crucial addition this week was the return of RB1 and former dawg Nick Chubb. In a roster full of dangerous yet inconsistent talent, Chubb ought to ratchet up the floor or GOGS production. Rodrigo Blankenship also cleared 10 points for the first games since week 5, ensuring the specs were indeed respected this week.

Team Grimm got the news pretty early on this week that Christian McCaffrey would not be available to build on his triumphant return, and the effects were surely felt around the GRIM facility during practice this week. Marvin Jones Jr. was nonplussed but the rest of the team performed without any wind in their sales. Between byes and injuries, GRIM was forced to trot out the likes of Duke Johnson in a mulligan of a matchup. The dilemmas of owner Jared Grimm and his depleted roster have been covered previously (and will be covered again, surely), but at least his lead in the standings allowed him to take the L without falling too far. They’ll have to dig deep and hold fast against playoff challenger HOST next week.

For this week, it would be more accurate to call this the ‘Oof of the Year’. Not for any singular blunder, but a drawn-out, recurring series of oofs that have plagued one team disproportionately throughout the year. I am, of course, referring to the squad formerly known as Team Grimm. Christian McCaffrey’s 2nd stint on the injured list is just the latest bullet point on an extensive list of injuries. It is well-known that injuries are a part of fantasy football and all sports. It’s a random menace that all owners and decision makers have to deal with over the course of a year. What makes owner Jared Grimm’s situation special in its misery is the caliber of the player that has been lost. He summed it up himself in the discord channel this week:

• 3 weeks out of (1st overall pick) CMC

• 3 out of (2nd round pick) Austin Ekeler

• 4th round WR (Courtland Sutton) died after one game

• 5th round WR (Amari Cooper) lost his QB

• Said QB (Dak Prescott), was drafted in the 9th round and died

In light of this, Team Grimm has renamed themselves as “Hospital for Injured RBs” We shall see if the Fantasy gods hear this plea, or if they simply turn their cold, unfeeling gaze to the WR’s or poor Will Lutz. That’s enough for the Oof of the Week.

WEEK 11 PREVIEWS

Knobby Packers (7-3) vs. Too Many Cooks (8-2) *POGGERS!!!*

Respect the Specks (3-7) vs. When Does Hockey Start (2-8)

Hospital for Injured RBs (6-4) vs. Hostert with the Mostert (5-5)

Outdated Sheets (5-5) vs. 3 Pete (4-6)

League News

The payout contingency proposed last week has passed. Thanks for voting, dudes!

That’ll be all for this week. Best of luck in Week 11!

Week 9 Recap - Back from the Dead & Iron Cook

 

Week 9 saw the return of some powerhouse players that had been biding their time on the bench. Christian McCaffrey, Michael Thomas, and Antonio Brown all saw their first full games of the season. Would these waking dragons be enough to make the difference for their teams? Let’s get to the recaps:

WEEK 9 RECAPS

Too Many Cooks (7-2) def. Hostert With The Mostert (4-5)

174.2 - 151.02

Too Many Cooks rests alone atop the league as they sautee Hostert With The Mostert with their second consecutive top score of the week. It was deja vu in a lot of ways for TMC: An impressive team-wide performance led by a monster game by Iron Chef Dalvin Cook over the 2nd highest score the league had to offer. Cook was 8 yards away from his second straight 40 point showing and is swiftly transcending from “Iron Chef” to “Meatball-Slinging Spice God”. Tyreek Hill joined the fun in the 30 point club. After being neck-and-neck with Knobby Packers all season, Too Many Cooks has earned itself a one game lead for the #1 seed as well as the Points For tiebreaker. If Dalvin doesn’t slow down, don’t expect TMC to either.

For HOST, it was a tough way to lose. Many of their skill players matched up blow-for-blow with their cooking counterparts, but even the near-busts were too much to overcome against an opponent this stacked. To be the best, you gotta beat the best. The good news is that Davante Adams is almost playing at Dalvin Cook levels, and Kyler Murray has been improving from great to elite all year. The bad news is that HOST is now on the outside looking in for the playoff picture. With just 4 games remaining, the margin of error is razor sharp.

Team Grimm (6-3) def. Knobby Packers (6-3)

132.46 - 101.6

When No 1 overall pick Christian McCaffrey went down in Week 1 with a high ankle sprain, it didn’t take a reporter of my illustrious caliber to point out that is was bad times for Team Grimm. It was an 8 week recovery timeline with an injury that is notorious for lingering effects. With a loss of a player that dynamic, GRIM’s best case outlook at the time was to hang tight around .500 and make a run when your star returned. AND THEN they lost Austin Eckler, then Julio Jones for a time, then Dak Prescott forever. With all that, it’d be the most expectable thing in the world for them to drop off a cliff. But GRIM did not. Quite the opposite, really. McCaffrey returned to a 5-3, 3rd place team and said, “I’ll take it from here, boys.” Run CMC dunked 37 points on division rival Knobby Packers, bringing his team their sixth victory and a tie for 2nd place in the league. Of course, shortly after doing this McCaffrey said, “Ow, my fucking shoulder!” and is now questionable for Week 10, but don’t let pesky things like reality get in the way of a good comeback story. The 6-3 record is plenty real, after all. 

We’re not used to seeing the Knobby Packers this close to double-digits. Even in their off weeks they manage to put up respectable numbers. The culprits were a dud performance from TE Tons-o-Funions filling in for the injured Mr. Skittles, and RB goose-egg partially due to injury report hijinks. They’ll look to write this one off like the Week 8 IRL Packers and bounce back against SHTS next week.

Outdated Sheets (5-4) def. Respect the Specks (2-7)

109.9 - 99.1

Outdated Sheets busts on through to the playoff picture as they dispatch Respect The Specks. Josh Allen returned to form in a big way. His 36 points doubled up every starter in the matchup besides Lamar Jackson. Michael Thomas kept his hands to himself long enough to return to the field for the first time since Week 1. This week his output was decidedly more pedestrian than McCaffrey’s, but he’ll be an X-Factor for SHTS down the stretch. 

Rampant injuries and byes this week led GOGS to utilize the rare 2 TE package. Although they got a rare boom out of Evan Engram, Gronk got shut down just like the rest of the Bucs on Sunday night. Nick Chubb was not yet ready to join to welcome back parade, but some reports have him coming back for Week 10. So GOGS has that going for them, which is nice.

I'd like to do something a little different and end the recap of this game with a poem:

D'Andre is Swift

Kirby is Smart

Now say HAPPY BIRTHDAY

to one KATIE HART!!!

3 Pete (4-5) def. When Does Hockey Start (2-7)

112.44 - 106.88

3 Pete claws their way to gritty victory over When Does Hockey Start and are now knocking at the door of the championship bracket. It seems every week, either DK Metcalf or Tyler Lockett are going to go off depending on who bought Russell Wilson the most Chipotle. This week, it was once again Mr. DK Metcalf. His and Justin Herbert’s performances headlined the 3P scoreboard this week.  After early season inconsistency at QB, Herbert has stabilized 3P at the key position and put them back in the race. This was the only game of the week that came down to Monday night, as 3P’s Raven’s superior D/ST provided the difference. 

WILD take another close loss on the chin due to an absent RB core. The QB/TE combo of Mahomes and Kelce continued to be reliable, but there weren’t enough booms from the supporting cast to outweigh the busts. Fun Fact, unless you’re owner Dan Bell, 5 of WILD’s 7 losses have been by 10 points or less. Another was by 10.8. They are 4th overall in Points For, 3rd in Points Against. And all it gets them is a 2-7 record. Feels bad man.

Recaps complete. Time to move on to...

This week’s OOTW is brought to you by vague journalism. On Thursday afternoon, 3 hours before game time, KNOB RB Aaron Jones was still listed as questionable with a calf injury. Then came a report by Adam Schefter that a decision on Jones was going to come down to the wire, and that if he did play, the Packers were going to be “careful” with him. KNOB owner Alex St. Peter faced a choice given this new intel. Would he be careful as well and replace his RB1 with a backup that was more likely to play, or he could cross his fingers and ride with his starter. St. Peter chose caution and replaced Jones with the Charger’s Justin Jackson. Come game time, Jones did play and posted a decent 12.9 from the bench. Fast forward to Sunday, new KNOB starting RB Justin Jackson suits up, takes the field, and is promptly injured on the second snap of the game, resulting in the 0.0 after all that. Granted, Jones’ points would not have made up the difference in KNOB’s loss to GRIM, but the irony of the situation should be savored all the same.

We’re handing out a few awards with this today. First, to the WILD RB core of Melvin Gordon and David Montgomery who combined for less than 10 points. If either one had hit their projection, the WILD would have broken their losing streak. 

Also getting some attention here is GOGS TE Rob Gronkowski. It’s a little unfair to call him out since his BFF quarterback played like a poop tornado, but I selfishly wanted to see a team that had to start two tight ends pull off a victory.

WEEK 10 MATCHUPS

When Does Hockey Start (2-7) vs. Hostert With The Mostert (4-5)

Too Many Cooks (7-2) vs. 3 Pete (4-5)

Respect the Specks (2-7) vs. Team Grimm (6-3)

Knobby Packers (6-3) vs. Outdated Sheets (5-4)

League News

With 9 weeks in the books, and just 6 to go (including the playoffs), it looks like we might actually see this baby through to the end. Just in case you didn’t have any wood to hammer nearby after you read that last sentence, I wanted to float a contingency payoff plan in case the season ends before the fantasy championships.

What I propose is this: Your entry fee is locked in after your team is mathematically eliminated from the playoffs. If the season is cancelled early, any team that has not been eliminated will receive their fee back, plus an even split of the fees from the eliminated teams. Some examples of how this would play out:

• It’s the last week of the regular season. 3 teams have been eliminated, 3 have clinched and 2 are fighting for the last slot. If the season gets cancelled that week, the 5 that haven’t been eliminated would get $32 each. Eliminated teams get $0.

• If the season is cancelled in the first round of the playoffs, all 4 teams in the championship bracket would get $40.

• If the season is cancelled on championship weekend, the finalists get $80 each.

The idea here is for winning teams to still get something for their efforts even if things go pear-shaped, but as I’ve said repeatedly, we’ll only implement this if everyone agrees. I’ll put a straw poll link up in the discord so you can anonymously vote yes or no. If you have any feedback or questions before you vote, please ask your friendly neighborhood commish.

Good luck in Week 10!

Week 8 Recap - DK!

Welcome to some sweet Election Day distraction! There were a lot of boom-or-bust performances throughout the league this week. We had a stunning comeback and explosion of culinary flavor. Let’s cover the action of Week 8.

WEEK 8 RECAPS

Too Many Cooks (6-2) def. When Does Hockey Start (2-6)

179.84 - 130.64

The king has returned. Dalvin Cook earned his Iron Chef status with a league-leading 48.6 point performance that propelled Too Many Cooks to their 6th win and the top score of Week 8. In a boom-or-bust week, TMC was nearly all boom. They needed most of them too since for the first time in a few weeks we had the top two scores of the week facing off against each other. When Does Hockey Start rode their Mahomes-Kelce wombo-combo to a very respectable 130 points. It’s just a shame it had to happen this week. It’s a tough beat for WILD, who have lost 4 straight after righting the ship at 2-2. In an interesting twist, although this matchup featured the top two scores it also featured the greatest point differential with a nearly 50 point spread. That just goes to show how much heat was in the kitchen this week. Even Jared Cook posted 16 TE points from the bench. 

Outdated Sheets (4-4) def. Team Grimm (5-3)

107.46 - 84.12

Outdated Sheets beat Team Grimm this week. If that sounds nondescript, it’s not because this matchup was boring; it’s because it was chaos. I cannot figure out a cohesive storyline for the life of me. In response, I’ll perform the journalist equivalent of a check-down and go to a bulleted list of the oddities:

•  SHTS top scores came from LA Rams Robert Woods and Cooper Kupp in a game where the Rams got embarrassed by Miami and their rookie QB. Woods and Kupp generated 50 points. The ENTIRE Dolphins team generated 70 in total.
  
  

• SHTS Jimmy Graham, the low-key 5th ranked TE, pooted out with 3.3 points, but it didn’t matter.
  
  

• After being downgraded from questionable to doubtful on Friday, Allen Robinson ended up clearing concussion protocol on Saturday and playing on Sunday. He put up 20 points from the bench. There would have been a juicy amount of irony if SHTS lost by <20, but nope, it didn’t matter.
  
  

• GRIM FLEX Travis Fulgham, a recent waiver wire pickup, boomed this week with 19 points, but it didn’t matter.
  
  

• SHTS QB Josh Allen posted his year low in points. Didn’t matter.
  
  

• Carson Wentz, the GRIM QB I would have chosen from the waiver wire, did worse than Allen. That did matter.
  
  

• In Week 1, GRIM beat SHTS with the 7th place score (“That’s playing to win, baby!”). In the rematch, SHTS beats GRIM with the 6th place score.

Now, the best part about that chaos is that the result actually matters. Had it gone the other way, GRIM joins the other 6-2 teams in Asgard, looking down at the mortals slaughtering each other for the 4th seed. Instead, SHTS is tied for 4th at 4-4, and GRIM isn’t clear with just one game separating them from the plebs. There is, however, a secret weapon for GRIM. Christian McCaffrey will return. If not this week, then soon. All fear Run CMC.

Knobby Packers (6-2) def. Respect the Specks (2-6)

118.14 - 94.16

Knobby Packers takes care of business and keeps pace for 1st place with a win over Respect The Specks. They got solid performances by usual suspects Aaron Rodgers and Alvin Kamara with a little extra push by the Colts D/ST. KNOB’s victory was slightly soured by the news that they lost TE George Kittle for likely the rest of the after he broke a bone in his foot. Without the services of Mr. Skittles, owner Alex St. Peter will be forced to sift through the weekly TE waiver wire with the rest of the peasants.

For GOGS, it was a classic case of bench burn. The starting WRs were far eclipsed by the bench WR’s. Two out of three busted vs. two out of three booms on the bench. It’s hard to question owner Nathan Hart’s choices (except for maybe A.J. Green), Hardman, Aiyuk and Claypool aren’t exactly proven commodities. On the other hand, looking over GOGS roster, their most consistent performer is Kenny Blankenship, and he only mustered 3 points this week so… the sky is falling.

(Fun Fact: In my research I discovered that Calvin Ridley was the No. 1 ranked WR going into Week 8. Raise your hand if you knew that. Now put it down, you liar.)

3 Pete (3-5) def. Hostert With The Mostert (4-4)

116.42 - 112.18

This matchup in a single GIF:

3 Pete pulls off an improbable comeback against Hostert With The Mostert. 3P went into the Sunday afternoon games with less than 50 points and just three players to go. Turns out it was the right three. DK Metcalf, Justin Herbert, and Noah Fant Combined for 73 points (40 by Metcalf) and overtook HOST at the finish line. This win was clutch from a postseason standpoint, as it brings 3P to within 1 game of HOST and SHTS for the 4th seed in the winner’s bracket

With 8 players out to injuries or byes, HOST knew going in that they would only go as far as Davante Adams would take them. Turns out that was pretty far, as Adams went off for 30 against the graveyard of the Viking’s CB corps. It was just not enough to overcome DK’s re-raise and one key FA letdown. HOST will get their regulars back, and they’ll need them next week against a division-leading Too Many Cooks squad who is at full strength and full steam.

With the recaps complete, it’s time for “football-and-sometimes-investing’s” favorite game show:

This wasn’t a week with a clear-cut winner. 7 weeks worth of cautionary tales and quasi-public admonishment through this column has led to generally well-informed play from league owners. Luckily for the meme bloggers such as me, there are no shortage of classic fantasy pitfalls that are capable of filling the universal Oof Meter. This week it’s bench burn. Respect the Specks receives the Oof of the Week. This week is certainly more defensible than their Week 2. 87.92 bench vs. 94.16 starters always sucks, but they would have needed two substitutions of capable starters to make an impact. I always thought it would be SHTS owner Zach Pauras that got the first repeat OOTW, but wear it proudly GOGS.

Finally, if you’ll be so kind, I’m going to take a  new segment for a spin and see how it goes. Since this meme was getting a boat-load of tread in the channel anyway, I introduce to you:

This is about as straightforward as it sounds. Here I’ll highlight one or more players that didn’t show up or otherwise broke the balls of their owner. This week that honor goes to HOST FLEX Dionte Johnson: 1 catch, 6 yards, 1.6 points. Yes, it was a tough matchup. Yes, he’s had similar outputs this year. However, those other duds were due to early injuries. Johnson played the whole game on Sunday and the most impactful thing he did was start a fight with Marcus Peters. HOST didn’t need much. A paltry 6 point showing would have been enough, but alas. Maybe owner Evan Wilberg should have asked the Harts how they felt about their Dionte Johnson experience before plugging him in.

Honorable mention goes to Team Grimm WR Amari Cooper, whose fantasy season is about on par with Dallas’ real season. Flashes of highs, but some really low lows.

WEEK 9 PREVIEW

Hostert With The Mostert (4-4) vs. Too Many Cooks (6-2)

When Does Hockey Start (2-6) vs. 3 Pete (3-5)

Team Grimm (5-3) vs. Knobby Packers (6-2)

Respect the Specks (2-6) vs. Outdated Sheets (4-4)

League News

Nothing really new. I’ll actually remember to do the Covid contingency players this week, sorry about that. Same with the contingency payouts. If there’s one thing 2020 loves, it’s a good contingency plan.

Best of luck in Week 9!