LTML '21 - Week 2: Knob Robbed

 

Week 2 is in the books. No time for an intro, I’m far too excited. LE’TS GOOOOOOO!

When Does Hockey Start (2-0) def. 3-Pete (1-1)

130.98 - 123.06

THE KING HAS RETURNED

That’s right ladies and gentlemen, not only is he alive, but he’s got a 1.000 personal winning percentage in the league named after his tragic passing. King Laquon received just one target in his first start with Jacksonville, but hey we all know what Treadwell is capable of with one target, am I right???

In case you’re someone who reads these write-ups despite not being in the league (and I’m told there might actually be some of you), the commissioner has decided to spice things up this year with a little bounty: If a manager drafts Laquon Treadwell in the 11th round, keeps him rostered all year, and starts him in at least 3 games, they are rewarded with a crisp $11 bill. Sure enough, on draft night when Round 11 came ‘round, Dan Bell of the 2-0 WILD selected Treadwell, two slots ahead of teammate Trevor Lawrence. Step one complete. A strong Thursday Night showing by Scary Terry McLaurin gave Bell enough confidence to get one of his starts done early, and his bet sure did pay off. Step two, ⅓ done, with a 1-0 record.

Interestingly, with the pick right before Treadwell was taken, 3 Pete's Kevin Duong selected Courtland Sutton, who was waived after week 1 and now plays for CHUB. Oh what could have been. Mr. Duong has already publicly stated that he will not be reading the recap for this week, so I won't dwell too long on the details of his demise. Week 1’s gamebreaker Tyreek Hill was neutralized to under 6 points.

Outdated Sheets (2-0) def. Respect the Specks (1-1)

123.02 - 115.7

Outdated Sheets shows a second straight week of rising just above the level of competition in a victory over Respect the Specks. T.J. Hockenson delivered on Monday night, overperforming his projection by 9 points which proved to be the difference. The bitter pill that comes with this victory is that SHTS’s two-week free trial of Christian McCaffrey has come to an end, as it did with Team Grimm a year before. While CMC’s injury doesn’t appear to be as bad this time around, losing your 1st overall pick is seldom an experience that makes shit easier. SPEC got a well-balanced performance from their core, but were let down pretty hard by DeVonta Smith and George Kittle. Rodrigo Blankenship, despite his draft stock tumbling all the way to round 9, enjoyed a solid game as well.

Jared’s Curse (1-1) def. Knobby Packers (0-2)

158.2 - 157.2

Ladies and Gentlemen… WELCOME…TO… CURSEBOWL!!!!!!

    Jared’s Curse and Alex’s curse had a fight and in the end, it was St. Peter’s curse that won(?) out, sending them to 0-2. What has happened to get Knobby Packers to 0-2 is frankly remarkable given how well the team has performed. This week, the circumstances included a shut down Alvin Kamara, Aaron Rodgers’ resurrection without heavy dependence on Davante Adams, and 5th quarter for Derrick Henry. Kudos to Jared for dodging the Clyde-Edwards Helaire bullet, allowing his starting RB’s to pick up the slack for his WRs. As for Knobby Packers, this is a good team, doing good things and performing well. The only recourse now for St. Peter may be just to not watch any games on Sundays and instead listen to “Wake me up when September Ends” on a loop.

Not Enough Cooks (1-1) def. Nick Chubb Will Remember This (0-2)

165.32 - 95.36

The only laugher among a week of tight matchups, Not Enough Cooks cruises to its first victory of the season, posting the week’s high score in the process. The official renaming from the outdated “Too Many Cooks” didn’t take place until after the matchup, but performance-wise this team played like a unit that had come to terms with what it now is. Mike Evans, Patrick Mahomes, and Dionte Johnson led the team on Sunday, with Aaron Jones posting 41 points worth of icing on the cake Monday night. 

Nick Chubb Will Remember This, on the flip side, posts the week’s lowest score, not even able to break triple-digits this week. So far, the issue isn’t the player with the good memory, it’s pretty much everything else. Josh Allen, despite his team winning 35-0, barely broke 16 points himself, and is yet to have a game quite like last year’s QB1. Owner Evan Wilberg has started the wrong TE on his roster both games, likely about to be 3 as he attempts to cash in on Rob Gronkowski’s goofy renaissance. It’s still early, but like the Minnesota professional team, the yikes-factor is high all the same.

You guessed it. Knobby Packers may be 0-2 in the standings, but they are 2-0 in Oofs of the Week. Holy moley. The fantasy blue balls have progressed from a rich cerulean to a bold navy blue. KNOB’s combined margin of defeat is a whopping 1.3 points. They are the points-for leader so far in this young season at 319.76, which is 33 points in front of 2nd place SHTS. And yet, if the playoffs started today (which they don’t), all they’d have to show for it is a toilet bowl showdown with the lowly CHUB. Fun fact about that, by the way: KNOB’s bench has generated only 3 fewer points than CHUB’s starters. Just for that, I’m giving half an oof to CHUB too.

On the bright side, I hear owner Alex St. Peter is now homeowner Alex St. Peter. Congrats to him and his family. It’s a wonderful silver lining. 

WEEK 3 MATCHUPS:

Not Enough Cooks (1-1) vs. When Does Hockey Start (2-0)

3 Pete (1-1) vs. Nick Chubb Will Remember This (0-2)

Knobby Packers (0-2) vs. Respect the Specks (1-1)

Outdated Sheets (2-0) vs. Jared’s Curse (1-1)

Best of luck in Week 3!

LTML 2021: Week 1 Recap: We're Back

 

Congratulations reader! We have survived a bizarre and highly puckered trip around the sun. Our reward is another year of collective degeneracy and top-tier shitposting. Who’s with me???

Now before I continue, I have to address something: It has come to my attention that my write-ups from last year unceremoniously ceased with a good 2-3 weeks still to go in the season. I apologize for this. As a lifelong Minnesota sports fan, I assumed all seasons conclude after the first round of playoffs. My bad.

That said, an overdue congratulations is owed to last year’s Champion Knobby Packers! It is truly the most Packers thing in the world to go into a league full of Vikings fans and find a way to make sure none of them win. Let’s see how the Fantasy gods rewarded you for your display of dominance last year…

WEEK 1 RECAPS

Outdated Sheets (1-0) def. Knobby Packers (0-1)

162.86 - 162.56

Oh…

Respect the Specs (1-0) def. Jared’s Curse (0-1)

115.0 - 111.12

Well you gotta give the man credit, Jared’s Curse owner Jared Grimm is nothing if not self-aware. Now, it’s quite likely that the curse he was referring to was the post-draft season ending injury to his starting TE, Irv Smith Jr. but he also subconsciously predicted how his week 1 was going to go. Things started off just fine with Amari Cooper’s 38.9 debut overshadowing Chris Godwin’s 23.5 on Thursday night. Unfortunately what followed on Sunday was the Fantasy equivalent of falling face-first down a spiral staircase. JRED couldn’t squeeze 15 points out of any other starter while Deebo Samuel put up 31.9 from the bench. SPEC’s QB Jalen Hurts surprised most by putting up 28.8 while 2020 league MVP Aaron Rodgers dribbled out 1.3 points. Even an awful day by Rodger’s standards should have made up the difference, but it wasn’t just awful, it was terrible. Uncannily terrible. One could say even… cursed?

3 Pete (1-0) def. Too Many Cooks (0-1)

121.4 - 100.18

3 Pete begins the 2021 campaign on the right foot with a win over last year’s juggernaut Too Many Cooks. TMC QB Patrick Mahomes nearly doubled up 3P’s Lamar Jackson, but unfortunately for TMC, his weapon of choice in doing so was Tyreek Hill. Hill continues his MO from last year for being able to single-handedly win matchups for his owners once every 3-4 weeks. Add in DK Metcalf as WR2 and 3 Pete might just be the team to break 200 points in a game this season. 

Too Many Cooks, now featuring zero Cooks in their lineup, put up the low score for the week and holy shit I feel like I’ve heard this bit before…

When Does Hockey Start (1-0) def. Nick Chubb Will Remember This (0-1)

145.12 - 106.7

The Battle of the teams-with-full-sentences-as-names is decided in lopsided fashion as WILD delivers a well rounded performance. When 4 players give you 25+ performances, you’re gonna have a good time. I said this at the end of last year: WILD was a better team than their record indicated. They hit some rotten luck early and never really got off the block with momentum. Not so this year. After inarguably winning the draft, they look poised to keep owner Dan Bell interested until at least Week 5.

CHUB’s namesake workhorse didn’t let them down, but they got little-to-nothing out of their back-end starters. Most notably, Brandon Aiyuk who amazingly started yet was targeted 0 times on 29 snaps. It would have been just as good if CHUB had started… wait… do you hear that? What’s that sound??

BAH GAWD, THAT’S LAQUON TREADWELL’S MUSIC!

I really do have to thank the cruel, miserable fantasy gods for this Week 1 layup. Yes, this is where we actually talk about the 0.3 point fantasy eyelash that kept the Knobby Packers from a Week 1 comeback victory. Darren Waller made it more than interesting on Monday night. His 10/105/1 performance increased the SHTS pucker-factor to maximum, and the tension wasn’t even officially over that night. It could have easily been wiped away with a stat correction, but nope. Not today. 3 more yards by anybody. One more reception by anybody. 1 more sack by Buffalo. But alas, the champs start 0-1.

Kudos to SHTS for having the high score on the week, but this of course means that KNOB had the 2nd highest and lost. Classic fantasy blue balls. Hell, KNOB’s bench outscored 3 teams this week. If you want to be optimistic, that’s probably a good sign for what’s to come for the champs, but that’s not what this space is about. That’s PLENTY good enough for Oof of the Week.

WEEK 2 MATCHUPS

Nick Chubb Will Remember This (0-1) vs. Too Many Cooks (0-1)

3 Pete (1-0) vs. When Does Hockey Start (1-0)

Jared’s Curse (0-1) vs. Knobby Packers (0-1)

Outdated Sheets (1-0) vs. Respect The Specks (1-0)

League News

Please Venmo me your entry fee if you haven’t already. I think I have most if not all of everyone’s already. I’ll double-check heading into next week.

Cheers to another year fellas!

Playoffs Week 1 - Previews and Haikus

 We now go live to Outdated Sheets at the Championship Bracket party:

What I had originally billed as a 3-team melee ended up being more of a pillow fight. The 3 teams vying for spots in the last two weeks went a combined 1-5 down the stretch. Hospital for Injured RB’s overcame the curse for which they’re named and secured the number 3 seed with the lone win. Hostert with the Mostert did its best NFC East impression by sneaking in as the 4th seed with a sub .500 record by virtue of the Points For Tiebreaker. Outdated sheets was victimized both weeks by Chiefs players putting up unfair numbers, and as a result was Javert’d.

Now, in the interest of time and dressing up an otherwise ugly week, I present to you some review Haikus…

WEEK 13 HAIKUS

Knobby Packers (9-4) def. Hostert with the Mostert (6-7)

138.64 - 95.12

KNOB

Thielen, Diggs, Landry

A team ready for playoffs

KNOB gets sweet revenge

HOST

Monday night poop show

Davante Adams, save me

Bring it on, Cooks! <gulp>

Too Many Cooks (11-2) def. Hospital for Injured RB’s (7-6)

153.62 - 141.0

TMC

Waller feasts on Jets

Reward for sticking with memes

Cook’s salute to Preese

RBIR

Bold Cousins start works

Upset if not for LOL-Jets

‘Member CMC?

When Does Hockey Start (4-9) def. Outdated Sheets (6-7)

142.92 - 127.9

WILD

WILD saves Hosterts

Travis Kelce: Good player

They end 4th in points

SHTS

King Henry falters

Gave it a hell of a run

Josh Allen sure tried

Respect the Specks (5-8) def. 3 Pete (4-9)

135.08 - 75.56

GOGS

How ‘bout that mormon?

GOGS good now that pressure’s off

Specs maintain respect

3P

Players book tee times.

Pack it up, get em next year

What happened there, Clyde?

PLAYOFF PREVIEWS

Now we’re into the kind of awkward 8-team playoff structure where teams will face off for 2 weeks in a row before moving on to the final round. In lieu of recaps next week, we’ll have some fun with numbers and give out some regular season awards (including Oof of the Year). For now, here’s a quick preview of the first Round Championship matches:

1. Too Many Cooks vs. (4) Hostert with the Mostert

It became clear pretty early that Too Many Cooks would find itself atop the standings when the year concluded. Indeed, they ended with 7 wins in a row (one for each other team in the league) to get here. The not-so-secret sauce has been Dalvin Cook. His dominance in the middle of the season allowed TMC their separation, but the rest of the roster carries equal threat. High ceiling playmakers like Tyreek Hill, Keenan Allen and Darren Waller are all capable of having monster weeks, and it seems like every week at least one of them does. 

HOST enjoyed solid, if not outstanding production from their starters for a vast majority of the year. Unfortunately, late injuries and COVID protocols have taken their toll and have pushed HOST’s depth to the limit, especially at RB. The team’s floor is now dependent on Davante Adams hitting home-runs, something he’s capable of doing, but not the kind of hope-based strategy you want in the playoffs.

TMC has the better guns in this fight, plain and simple. They will win if they avoid in-game injuries and at least 1 of their many weapons continues to go off. HOST needs at least 2 of their WR’s to boom hard to cover their RB’s and for Mark Andrews to come off the COVID list in style

2. Knobby Packers vs. (3) Hospital for Injured RB’s

Knobby Packers is the clear king of silver this season. They got here by finishing 2nd in wins, points for, and points against. They boast a lineup that’s my literal fantasy with Aaron Rodgers throwing to Diggs and Thielen, and a RB core that’s even more dangerous.

First things first, cheers to Hospital for Injured RB’s for making it thus far despite the well-documented struggles. Their bad luck with injuries evened out in the matchups a bit, as they finished 7th in Points For and 8th in Points Against in the regular season. Their lineup was trending healthier at the end of the season, but the abundance of ragecat gifs in the discord this week indicates some regression in that department.

Simlar to the above matchup, the KNOB starters are in general a cut above what RBIR can field. It isn’t KNOB owner Alex St. Peter’s MO to underestimate his opponents, which is wise since RBIR has proven in recent games that he can pack a punch. The projection favors KNOB, but I could see RBIR pulling off the upset if Kamara is ignored by Hill, Kirk Cousins has sneaky good games, and Julio and/or Christian McCaffrey returns next week. 

League News

I didn’t see a unanimous decision for Consolation Bracket betting, so I’ll leave you all to figure that out amongst yourselves.

Best of luck in the Playoffs!

Coming soon...

Week 12 Recap - The Desolation of Tyreek

 

You knew it’d come down to this, didn’t you? This week, we had a WR of mass destruction, said goodbye to the champs and thickened the plot significantly. Let’s go. In and out. 5 minute recap:

WEEK 12 RECAPS

Respect The Specks (4-8) def. Hostert with the Mostert (6-6)

136.92 - 121.8

Respect The Specks steps up and stiff-arms HOST’s playoff push with a robust showing. No Lamar Jackson? No problem! Just plug last week’s TE Taysom Hill in at QB and you’re all set. With 2 rushing TD’s Hill did a better Kyler Murray impression this week than Kyler Murray. Nick Chubb and Jet Jefferson dropped a couple quarters to round out the nut-punching. Murray and RB1 Josh Jacobs picked a pretty bad time to turn into pumpkins, wasting a spectacular 36-point Thanksgiving showing by Antonio Gibson. Not even the return of RB/Mascot Raheem Mostert could push the Hosterts over the edge. 

 Hospital for Injured RBs (7-5) def. 3 Pete (4-8)

118.86 - 113.84

“I survived DK Metcalf 2020” - Jared Grimm, RBIR owner.

He almost did it again. DK’s hard charge on Sunday night briefly gave 3 Pete the lead despite a 19 point defecit. It came down to Eric Ebron to save RBIR on Monday, then Tuesday, then eventually Wednesday afternoon. Fortunately, Ebron delivered and prevented the Doomsday Oof scenario (“Doofsday”?) from taking place for Grimm’s beleaguered squad. Although RBIR faces a hard challenge in their opponents this week, they will do so with the services of Austin Ekeler, who displayed his readiness in a 24 point performance from the bench. This loss also checks 3 Pete into the elimination station. Respect to owner Kevin Duong for a hell of a run.

Too Many Cooks (10-2) def. Outdated Sheets (6-6)

149.2 - 122.28  

Allen. Henry. Robinson. Woods. Long ago the 4 SHTS playmakers lived together in harmony. Then, everything changed when Tyreek Hill attacked. Only Michael Thomas, master of the last 4 fantasy seasons could stop him. But when Outdated Sheets needed him most, he vanished. 

One week passed, and Zach discovered a new playmaker, a running back named Wayne Gallman. Though his End-Zone finding skills are great, he has a lot of running to do before he’s ready to save anyone. But I believe… Gallman can save the SHTS.

Knobby Packers (8-4) def. When Does Hockey Start (3-9)

151.92 - 115.48 

It was a Thanksgiving Feast for the Knobby packers. Alex St. Peter opted for a double-serving of Texans in his Week 12 lineup. The result was a 85 point posting on Thursday that pretty much allowed him to go into a food-coma for the rest of the weekend. The win was one of a few things that officially punched KNOB’s ticket to the championship bracket, however it was not without a little bit of controversy. Will Fuller’s 35 point performance ended up being his swan song for the 2020 season, as he was suspended after the game. Naturally, this caused some to speculate after what St. Peter really puts in all that cheese. Fortunately for KNOB, the commissioner’s office said in a statement that their investigative budget was already spent attempting to figure out the minimum number of bites needed to consume a Chipotle Burrito*.

*Their answer was 5, with proper stretching and meditation. 6 without.

PLAYOFF PICTURE

1. Too Many Cooks (10-2)*

2. Knobby Packers (8-4)*

3. Hospital for Injured RBs (7-5)

4. Hostert With The Mostert (6-6)
   __________________________

5. Outdated Sheets (6-6)

6. 3 Pete (4-8)e

7. Respect The Specks (4-8)e

8. When Does Hockey Start (3-9)e

*-Clinched WB spot

e-Eliminated from WB contention

The Final Showdown

And so it will come down to Week 13 to see which two teams finish the final two playoff slots and who is left doing the ol’ Javert-at-the-window meme. The big winner of Week 12 was Hospital for Injured RB’s. As the only team in the melee to win their match, more things would need to happen to keep them out than to let them in. Just like last week, we’ll go team by team:

Hospital For Injured RB’s - 

RBIR advances if:

• They win.

-OR-

• HOST or SHTS lose.

-OR-

• They lose, SHTS wins, but RBIR outscores SHTS by 44 points.

Holding off DK Metcalf turned out to be absolutely clutch for RBIR. They face what no team has faced so far this year in a triple-Cook Package from Too Many Cooks, but there is far less pressure for them to come out on top than there would have been had they lost in Week 12. I was mistaken last week when I reported Christian McCaffrey’s availability for Week 13. Even though he may be healthy enough to play, his team is on the bye. That said, with Austin Ekeler fully recovered and James Robinson quietly continuing his Top-5 year, they’re more than capable of straight up winning the damn thing. Should they win, they will secure the 3rd seed and ensure they don’t meet TMC again until perhaps the final week. This week we’ll see if too many cooks really do spoil the broth.

Hostert With The Mostert

HOST advances if:

• They Win

-OR-

• SHTS loses

Had HOST taken care of business last week, the only thing left to decide for them this week would be their first round opponent. Instead, they face very real danger against the 2nd best team in the league with the Knobby Packers . Both teams are dealing with some unexpected gaps in their lineups with plenty at stake. HOST was able to hand KNOB one of their 4 losses back in Week 6, but that week featured the Aaron Rodgers impersonator and did not feature league-leading RB Alvin Kamara. KNOB is out Will Fuller but still rocks Diggs and Theilen. HOST gains Raheem Mostert but loses Josh Jacobs, and might be banking on another boom by Antonio Gibson, who was drafted by KNOB. Both teams are out their top end TE’s. If HOST wins, they’re in, if KNOB wins, not only do they get revenge for Week 6, but they have a chance to eliminate the 3rd highest scoring team in the league before the playoffs even begin. Overall, This matchup with KNOB has the potential to be the LTML equivalent of the fight between The Hound and Brienne of Tarth at the end of Game of Thrones Season 4 (remember those days?). 

When asked about his plans for Sunday, HOST owner Evan Wilberg said he would, “pour myself a tall drink, and light a candle for the WILD wombo combo.”

Outdated Sheets

SHTS advances if:

• They win and HOST loses

-OR-

• They win, HOST wins, RBIR loses and does not outscore SHTS by 44 points.

Welp. The bad news, obviously, is that Tyreek Hill did very mean things to your team last week. The good news is that this was the matchup you probably figured it would come down to anyway, and you’re well set up for it. SHTS projects for the 2nd highest score this week, and plays against the 8th place team in the league. And yet... Despite having just 3 wins, WILD has actually scored the 4th most points over the course of the season, and that’s not counting the Lockett in your Pocket game. Mahomes has a chance to terrorize the SHTS for the 2nd straight week, this time directly and with regular partner-in-crime Travis Kelce. Will this be the week Michael Thomas finally steps out of the telephone booth donning his Superman costume and saves the day? If so, all you need is the Knobby bros to do you a solid and you’ve made the dance.

Lastly, I will admit, it’s super unlikely but it would tickle the hell out of me if that second scenario plays out but RBIR catches SHTS in the tiebreaker. That would mean the difference came down to the Le’Veon Bell IR debacle, and the week SHTS started 3 injured players.

Now you know what to watch for. Best of luck to all involved. It’s nice to have things come down to the wire.

Ah, lest we forget:

   

Boy were there an awful lot of gigantic Oofs that nearly happened this week with the COVID delays and late DK shenanigans. That isn’t to say there weren’t good ones that did end up playing out. This week I’m doing an honorable mention along with the full OOTW. Both are of the aforementioned losers on the playoff bubble, one who suffered a long, drawn out demise last week, the other who suffered what was more of an assassination:

Honorable mention goes to HOST owner Evan Wilberg, who sat full and satisfied on his parent’s couch on Thanksgiving night, full of turkey and mashed potatoes. On the TV, he watched his RB, Antonio Gibson complete his own turkey, scoring his 3rd rushing TD of the night, a rookie record, on the way to a booming 36 points. He and Terry McLaurin combined for over 50, and his opponent’s RB2 J.D. McCissik only managed 5. That setup had him comfortably set up, going into the weekend as a 40 point projected winner, some 150 - 110. A key late-season victory was in his grasp. Unfortunately for him, that plan got flip-turned upside down. Slowly, over the course of Sunday, his lead shrank and GOGS projection rose. It was a slow, drawn out affair, I’m sure many fantasy owners are familiar with. Soon the lead turned into a deficit with a projected victory, then finally the projection caught up with reality. HOST turned a projected win by 40 into a loss by 15. There comes a point, on Sundays like that, where an owner just has to realize what is happening and put his phone down for good. Wilberg learned that lesson the hard way on Sunday. That 55 point swing earns an honorable mention this week.

Speaking of 55 point swings…

Meet Tyreek Hill. Last week he murdered the hopes and dreams of Outdated Sheets fans everywhere with a 57.9(!) point performance. That was so clearly the new high score of LTML that I didn’t need to check. What I did try to check was if that was the new high score of fantasy period. According to ESPN, that was the most PPR points scored by a skilled player since Jamaal Charles in 2013. The truly savage part about it happening against SHTS this week, is it kinda mattered. If you downgraded Hill’s performance from a god-like 57.9 points to a merely outstanding 30, SHTS would have won the contest, but nah: If there’s one thing Too Many Cooks needed, it was another lethal weapon. That’s enough for the Oof of the Week.

WEEK 13 PREVIEWS

Respect the Specks (4-8) vs. 3 Pete (4-8)

Outdated Sheets (6-6) vs. When Does Hockey Start (3-9)

Hospital for Wounded RB’s (7-5) vs. Too Many Cooks (10-2)

Knobby Packers (8-4) vs. Hostert with the Mostert (6-6)

League News

Cheers to an exciting regular season, and thanks for continuing to read this nonsense! Once the bracket is set, I’ll reach out to the consolation bracket to see if we want to set up a side-pot. Of course, feel free to bet amongst yourselves to keep it interesting.

Best of luck in Week 13.

Week 11 Recap - The Mormon Missile

 

This week brought shapeshifting Mormons, one elimination, and a whole lot of table-setting for what will be a cheek-clenching final two weeks in the LTML Regular Season. After the recaps, I will break down the playoff picture and the scenarios that the teams on the bubble face. Let’s get to it!

WEEK 11 RECAP

When Does Hockey Start (3-8) def. Respect the Specks (3-8)

138.98 - 126.76

When Does Hockey Start awakened from its 6-loss slumber in time to defeat Respect the Specks and drag them into the realm of the consolation bracket. The story of this game was the clash of the QB/TE’s. Or the QB/QB/TE’s… it wasn’t super clear. In case you missed it, the buzz across all of Fantasy Football this week was Saints gadget TE Taysom Hill getting the start at QB for the injured Drew Brees. Some formats changed his position straight into QB, but ESPN took a page out of Fantasy Baseball and gave him dual eligibility to start at QB or TE. The Harts continue to be shrewd players on the waiver wire, having snapped up Hill way back on Week 10. And so, a couple weeks after starting a double TE lineup, GOGS found a way to run a 0 TE 2 QB lineup. After a slow start, Hill had an excellent 2nd half and finished with 24.4 points. Outstanding numbers for a TE in 2020, and good enough to lead GOGS for the week and set them up with a hefty cushion with just 2 major players left on Sunday night for WILD. Those players: Patrick Mahomes and Travis Kelce. Kelce calmly asked Hill to hold his beer before turning in 26 points in a delicious, if a bit anticlimactic, display of one-upmanship. The Wombo Combo cleared the deficit and left Ryan Succop to be the MNF cherry-on-top. On Monday, ESPN announced that Hill would only be eligible at QB going forward, and thus the Mormon Missile’s reign of terror at TE has come to an end.

This loss officially eliminated GOGS from the Championship bracket. Even though the season may be lost, I think it’s safe to say that there is no team more entertaining from a roster construction perspective than Nathan and Katie Hart’s Respect the Specks. Here’s to next draft where I have them taking Jake Fromm 3rd overall.

Hostert With The Mostert (6-5) def. Hospital for Injured RB’s (6-5)

149.56 - 83.8

Hostert With The Mostert gets an important win and cruises to victory over the newly registered Hospital for Injured RB’s. For the second straight week it was an all-hands-on-deck, no busts effort by HOST. All players, including specialists, posted in the double-digits, and the lowest scoring skill player was Terry McLaurin with 13.4. When that’s your floor, you’re gonna have a good time. RBIR had issues where you’d expect, as evidenced by Duke Johnson’s 3rd straight start, but alarmingly it was the WR’s that played as if they were physically ill. A quality spot-start by Cam Newton and Eric Ebron weren’t enough to make up the difference. With two down weeks in a row, RBIR will now have to make some magic happen to keep pace in the playoff hunt. Reports indicate that both Austin Ekeler and Christian McCaffrey return in Week 13 a la Gandalf and Eomer. Indeed, like in Two Towers, RBIR will have to survive the HOST of greasy SHTS until they can look to the East at the dawn of Week 13.

Outdated Sheets (6-5) def. 3 Pete (4-7)

132.88 - 94.14

Outdated Sheets’ WR core came alive to give SHTS a clutch victory on Monday night. After last week’s well-documented let down, Michael Thomas, Robert Woods, and Cooper Kupp combined for a whopping 75 points. Derrick Henry contributed a solid 20 as well, scoring half of them during a game-winning OT run. 3P made the difficult decision to sit his Week 1 RB pair of Ezekiel Elliot and Clyde-Edwards Helaire for James Connor and Robert Jones after the former pair had faced some adversity in recent weeks. Unfortunately for 3P, it turned out to be the wrong choice, as Jones in particular struggled to get any kind of steam against the Rams’ D. Elliot and CEH flipped owner Kevin Duong the bird from the bench as they combined for 40 points. Ain’t Fantasy Football the best?

Too Many Cooks (9-2) def. Knobby Packers (7-4)

175.78 - 153.64

The showdown between the division leaders did not disappoint as a 300+ point slugfest ensued. Several star players went punch-for-punch: Keenan Allen matched Adam Thielen, Tyreek Hill matched Dionte Johnson, Wilson matched Rodgers, and even FLEX Brandin Cooks came to play and matched KNOB newcomer Kalen Ballage. In the end, it was Alvin Kamara, of all players, to buckle. Though he still broke double-digits, Kamara posted his lowest score of the season, and dropped his matchup against Iron Chef Prime Dalvin Cook by 15 points. This and Darren Waller’s return to WR1 status was enough for Too Many Cooks to gain the edge in this bitter matchup. It is especially bitter for KNOB, as they go unrewarded despite posting the 2nd highest score of the week. Of their 4 losses, 2 have come by this method. The loss also keeps KNOB from clenching their postseason spot, though a Rube-Goldberg level of things would have to happen to keep them out for good. The win does lock up the top seed for TMC, and if these teams were to meet again in the championship, as has been predicted, you can bet your ass we’re in for some more fireworks.

PLAYOFF PICTURE

1. Too Many Cooks (9-2)*

2. Knobby Packers (7-4)

3. Hostert With The Mostert (6-5)

4. Outdated Sheets (6-5)

__________________________________

5. Hospital for Injured RBs (6-5)

6. 3 Pete (4-7)

7. When Does Hockey Start (3-8)e

8. Respect The Specks (3-8)e

*-Clinched WB spot

e-Eliminated from WB contention

3 Team Meele - With the 1 & 2 seeds relatively secured, we have three 6-5 teams fighting over the two remaining Winner’s Bracket slots. RBIR has fallen from the 3rd seed and now find themselves on the outside looking in due to the Points For tiebreaker. The tiebreaker will likely loom large, as none of the three 6-5 teams play each other in the final two weeks. Let’s take a closer look at the path these three teams face:

Hostert With The Mostert - Host has two major advantages over the other contenders:

1. A 250+ lead in the Points For tiebreaker

2. They have already faced Too Many Cooks a second time.

Life will get a lot easier for HOST if they can take care of business against Respect the Specks. Though they avoid TMC, their regular season finale is against Knobby Packers, which is literally almost as challenging. If things go well this week, they can look at the finale as a chance to cheekily snipe the #2 seed from KNOB. If they do not, it turns into a dicey fight for survival against a highly challenging opponent. As any Darkest Dungeon player will tell you, overconfidence is a slow and insidious killer.

Outdated Sheets - Being on the wrong end of a few very lopsided losses earlier in the year has perhaps disguised how dangerous this team can be from week-to-week. Josh Allen and Derrick Henry provide consistency, while the WR core is full of X-factor upside. If they get 2/3 of those WR’s to boom, they can beat most teams in a given week. They might need all 3 to boom against their Week 12 opponent, Too Many Cooks, but it very well could happen. If they pull off the victory, they’ll be in good shape against the eliminated (though still dangerous) WILD. They currently lead RBIR in the Points For tiebreaker by 40, so their overall points could matter just as much as their wins or losses for that final spot.

Hospital for Injured RBs - It’s right there in the title. The fact that they’re still in the hunt given the amount of high profile injuries is commendable, but for their defiant run to continue, they’ll have to perform against the toughest schedule of the three. The first step is against a 3 Pete team that is still technically in the hunt. If they keep pace after that, their final boss is none other than Too Many Cooks. As mentioned, they’ll get a boon in the form of their top two RB’s returning for that final week. If they can make the Winners Bracket, those two may allow them to make a run for the title. They just gotta get there. 

So You’re Telling Me There’s a Chance:

3 Pete - Though the road is winding, you cannot count the champs out yet.
3 Pete makes the Winner’s Bracket if:

• They win out

• At least two of the three above teams lose out

• 3P wins the Points For tiebreaker over at least two.

3 Pete holds a slim lead over SHTS and RBIR for the tiebreaker, so those are the two teams they have the best shot with. One of those teams, RBIR, is their Week 12 opponent.

Knobby Packers - On the flip side, there is still a chance for Knobby Packers to find themselves in the consolation bracket. It’s even more unlikely than the above scenario, but technically possible, so let’s play it out for the memes. 
Knobby Packers misses the Winner’s Bracket if:

• They Lose out.

• All three 6-5 teams win out

-OR-

• They go 1-1

• All three 6-5 teams win out

• All three 6-5 must pass KNOB in Points For

Regarding that last bit, the gap between KNOB and RBIR in Points For is 337, so… probably not. Still, with two weeks to go, KNOB could wind up placing anywhere between 1-5. How neat is that?

So there you have it, the paths are laid out. All that’s left now is for you to set your rosters and hang onto your butts. 

Ah, wait, I suppose there is one more thing:

This one’s going to be short and sweet cause the playoff breakdown took so long. This week I’m giving it to 3 Pete for a classic Oof: Bench outscores the active roster. The only thing worse than an underperforming 1st round RB is one that finally decides to perform as soon as you bench him.

WEEK 12 PREVIEW

3 Pete (4-7) vs. Hospital for Injured RBs (6-5)

Too Many Cooks (9-2) vs. Outdated Sheets (6-5)

When Does Hockey Start (3-8) vs. Knobby Packers (7-4)

Hostert With The Mostert (6-5) vs. Respect The Specks (3-8)

League News

Seems the COVID flare up that’s hitting the country is also affecting the league, we’ve got a few more cases than in weeks past, so the contingency list will be up shortly after this post goes live. As a reminder, it’s optional, but the only thing it costs you is time.

Best of luck in Week 12. Have a happy Thanksgiving, folks. May the only comas you experience be food-related.