We now go live to Outdated Sheets at the Championship Bracket party:
What I had originally billed as a 3-team melee ended up being more of a pillow fight. The 3 teams vying for spots in the last two weeks went a combined 1-5 down the stretch. Hospital for Injured RB’s overcame the curse for which they’re named and secured the number 3 seed with the lone win. Hostert with the Mostert did its best NFC East impression by sneaking in as the 4th seed with a sub .500 record by virtue of the Points For Tiebreaker. Outdated sheets was victimized both weeks by Chiefs players putting up unfair numbers, and as a result was Javert’d.
Now, in the interest of time and dressing up an otherwise ugly week, I present to you some review Haikus…
WEEK 13 HAIKUS
Knobby Packers (9-4) def. Hostert with the Mostert (6-7)
138.64 - 95.12
KNOB
Thielen, Diggs, Landry
A team ready for playoffs
KNOB gets sweet revenge
HOST
Monday night poop show
Davante Adams, save me
Bring it on, Cooks! <gulp>
Too Many Cooks (11-2) def. Hospital for Injured RB’s (7-6)
153.62 - 141.0
TMC
Waller feasts on Jets
Reward for sticking with memes
Cook’s salute to Preese
RBIR
Bold Cousins start works
Upset if not for LOL-Jets
‘Member CMC?
When Does Hockey Start (4-9) def. Outdated Sheets (6-7)
142.92 - 127.9
WILD
WILD saves Hosterts
Travis Kelce: Good player
They end 4th in points
SHTS
King Henry falters
Gave it a hell of a run
Josh Allen sure tried
Respect the Specks (5-8) def. 3 Pete (4-9)
135.08 - 75.56
GOGS
How ‘bout that mormon?
GOGS good now that pressure’s off
Specs maintain respect
3P
Players book tee times.
Pack it up, get em next year
What happened there, Clyde?
PLAYOFF PREVIEWS
Now we’re into the kind of awkward 8-team playoff structure where teams will face off for 2 weeks in a row before moving on to the final round. In lieu of recaps next week, we’ll have some fun with numbers and give out some regular season awards (including Oof of the Year). For now, here’s a quick preview of the first Round Championship matches:
Too Many Cooks vs. (4) Hostert with the Mostert
It became clear pretty early that Too Many Cooks would find itself atop the standings when the year concluded. Indeed, they ended with 7 wins in a row (one for each other team in the league) to get here. The not-so-secret sauce has been Dalvin Cook. His dominance in the middle of the season allowed TMC their separation, but the rest of the roster carries equal threat. High ceiling playmakers like Tyreek Hill, Keenan Allen and Darren Waller are all capable of having monster weeks, and it seems like every week at least one of them does.
HOST enjoyed solid, if not outstanding production from their starters for a vast majority of the year. Unfortunately, late injuries and COVID protocols have taken their toll and have pushed HOST’s depth to the limit, especially at RB. The team’s floor is now dependent on Davante Adams hitting home-runs, something he’s capable of doing, but not the kind of hope-based strategy you want in the playoffs.
TMC has the better guns in this fight, plain and simple. They will win if they avoid in-game injuries and at least 1 of their many weapons continues to go off. HOST needs at least 2 of their WR’s to boom hard to cover their RB’s and for Mark Andrews to come off the COVID list in style
Knobby Packers vs. (3) Hospital for Injured RB’s
Knobby Packers is the clear king of silver this season. They got here by finishing 2nd in wins, points for, and points against. They boast a lineup that’s my literal fantasy with Aaron Rodgers throwing to Diggs and Thielen, and a RB core that’s even more dangerous.
First things first, cheers to Hospital for Injured RB’s for making it thus far despite the well-documented struggles. Their bad luck with injuries evened out in the matchups a bit, as they finished 7th in Points For and 8th in Points Against in the regular season. Their lineup was trending healthier at the end of the season, but the abundance of ragecat gifs in the discord this week indicates some regression in that department.
Simlar to the above matchup, the KNOB starters are in general a cut above what RBIR can field. It isn’t KNOB owner Alex St. Peter’s MO to underestimate his opponents, which is wise since RBIR has proven in recent games that he can pack a punch. The projection favors KNOB, but I could see RBIR pulling off the upset if Kamara is ignored by Hill, Kirk Cousins has sneaky good games, and Julio and/or Christian McCaffrey returns next week.
League News
I didn’t see a unanimous decision for Consolation Bracket betting, so I’ll leave you all to figure that out amongst yourselves.
Best of luck in the Playoffs!
Coming soon...
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