A rash of big name injuries casts a pall on an otherwise entertaining Week 2 in the LTML. It is a dangerous world out there: If the ‘Rona don’t get you, the 250-pound hyper-athlete flying at your legs probably will. Despite this, there is still cause for celebration this week as I introduce a brand-new segment. BUT FIRST! The results from Week 2:
WEEK 2 RECAP:
(1-1) 3 Pete def. (0-2) When Does Hockey Start
140.98 - 137.78
3P nips its first win of the year in a closer-than-anticipated matchup over WILD. Owner Kevin Duong received solid contributions across the board from everyone not named Tom Brady. The same could be said for the WILD roster, great showings all around except for Kenny Golladay, which is pretty understandable since he was out with a hamstring injury just like week 1.
As you may have noticed from the score above, any warm body off the bench to replace Golladay would have resulted in a WILD victory. Hell, if they had claimed and started Bisi Johnson, it would have been enough to put them over the edge for their first victory. I very nearly thought about making this lapse the ‘Oof of the Week’, except for one thing: Owner Dan Bell has already made it well known how hands-off his ownership style is. In an early meeting regarding the draft, Bell told the commissioner, “I have a life and don’t care about fantasy like most people,” and advised the league to “enjoy roflstomping me all season.” So far, rival owners are playing right into his hand.
(2-0) Too Many Cooks def. (1-1) Hostert with the Mostert
170.42 - 140.84
In real football, many have rejoiced about the Seahawks finally letting Russell Wilson cook with his offense. That means, in the Laquon Treadwell Memorial League, he’s exactly where he ought to be. Wilson’s 5 TD performance led Too Many Cooks to the highest score of the week and a victory over freshly re-branded Hostert with the Mostert. TMC shined in prime-time, scoring almost half their points during the Sunday and Monday night games. HOST QB Kyler Murray’s performance was nearly as prolific as Wilson’s, but mid-game injuries to Davante Adams and Raheem Mostert deflated their overall production. All things considered, HOST got off easy with the injury bug this week. Adams is day-to-day with hamstring issues and Mostert is likely to miss one week with stomach cramps related to rapid pasta intake (and an MCL sprain).
(1-1) Respect the Specs def. (0-2) Outdated Sheets
132.86 - 112.28
It was a wild ride of a week for Respect the Specs. Many of the finer details we will cover in our new segment, but at the end of the day, they got it done and secured their first win. Calvin Ridley had another monster game, combining with Julian Edelman and Tyler Higbee to create a bizarre hydra of fantasy magic. That’s the last good news for GOGS. Ready for the half-good news? Their K/Mascot Kenny Blankenship played well enough to outscore every RB in the matchup. That’s the last half-good news. Ready for the suck? You probably already know. Saquon Barkley is done for the year. As is Nick Bosa, key player in the SF Defense. Also, the Falcons lost in a way that can cruelly be described as vintage. Don’t get me wrong, they won the week and all, but in the words of co-owner Katie Hart, “!fuck.”
As for Outdated Sheets, it was Josh Allen followed with death-by-a-thousand-mehs. Owner Zach Pauras did nothing wrong. Leonard Fournette may have lit up the bench, but few in an 8-team league would’ve started him. Plus, he started losing star players to injuries last week, before it was cool. An 0-2 start has Pauras preaching “doom and gloom for the Outdated Sheets,” but there’s more hope for his team than other 0-2 ones in Minnesota. On a final note, for all my gushing about Wilson and Murray, Josh Allen beat them with a cool 34.48. Is that sustainable? Hell if I know, I just write meme blogs.
(2-0) Knobby Packers def. (1-1) Team Grimm
159.7 - 145.8
This was the matchup of the week, folks. It was a back and forth affair with star performances, comebacks, and counter-comebacks. KNOB got off to a blazing start on the back of Aaron Jones’ mammoth 45.6 point performance. Then, just as he did in IRL football, Dak Prescott dragged his team back into it, giving GRIM a 27.5 lead after Sunday’s games concluded. KNOB had Alvin Kamara and the Saints D/ST yet to play on Monday, and the projections had it coming down to a 0.3 difference. Kamara got off to a hot start and looked to put KNOB over the top early, but then the Saints D buckled. They started hemorrhaging points and gave GRIM back the lead with as little as 4:45 left to go in the 4th. A Saints 3-and-out could have sealed it for Team Grimm, but alas the stars did what stars do. Brees and Kamara connected often against the Vegas prevent D, and put the game firmly in the hands of Knobby Packers with a final score that is not indicative of how close the matchup was. KNOB improves to 2-0, and is not somebody you will want to face until at least one of his RB’s chills the fuck out.
GRIM did well to shed themselves of most of their Vikings pieces from Week 1, but now face other news that is even grimmer: Christian McCaffrey, the 1st overall pick by anyone who isn’t memeing, will be out 4-6 weeks with the dreaded high ankle sprain. Cortland Sutton was also thrown onto the funeral pyre with tears in all of his CL’s. “2020 was a mistake.” said owner Jared Grimm.
Speaking of mistakes, it’s time for a brand new segment that I call…
One of the Fantasy Football proverbs, known by nerds with enough spare time to listen to Fantasy Football podcasts, is that the key for Week 2 is not overreacting to Week 1. If that’s the case, it’s safe to say GOGS co-owner Nathan Hart is, in fact, not a nerd.
Following an admittedly poor Week 1 performance against one of the league’s best defenses, Hart decided to bench RB Nick Chubb in favor of *checks notes*... Nyheim Hines. Chubb, former Bulldog and last year’s runner-up to the rushing title, proceeded to eviscerate the Bengals to the tune of 124 yards and 2 TD’s. Hines, who began the year as third on the Colts RB depth chart, caught one pass for 4 yards against the Minnesota “New Bengals” Vikings. Hines’ performance, coupled with the injury to Barkley, gave GOGS a grand total of 4.2 points from their Week 2 Running Backs. That’s enough for the Oof of the week.
Now, TO BE FAIR, I did have some hesitation about selecting this as our inaugural Oof of the Week. Hart has already publicly acknowledged this oof (“I made bad choices”), and in the end he still won the damn game. You could speculate, as I did earlier, that WILD’s owner Dan Bell is more deserving for starting an injured player and losing by 3, but if an oof falls in the middle of a meme blog, and the oof-er isn’t around to read it, is it still an oof?
WEEK 3 MATCHUPS:
(1-1) HOST vs. (0-2) WILD
(1-1) 3P vs. (2-0) TMC
(1-1) GRIM vs. (1-1) GOGS
(0-2) SHTS vs (2-0) KNOB
League News
Nothing new League-wise. Best of luck in Week 3, and remember to bless all the knees and keep them healthy.
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