Playoffs Week 1 - Previews and Haikus

 We now go live to Outdated Sheets at the Championship Bracket party:

What I had originally billed as a 3-team melee ended up being more of a pillow fight. The 3 teams vying for spots in the last two weeks went a combined 1-5 down the stretch. Hospital for Injured RB’s overcame the curse for which they’re named and secured the number 3 seed with the lone win. Hostert with the Mostert did its best NFC East impression by sneaking in as the 4th seed with a sub .500 record by virtue of the Points For Tiebreaker. Outdated sheets was victimized both weeks by Chiefs players putting up unfair numbers, and as a result was Javert’d.

Now, in the interest of time and dressing up an otherwise ugly week, I present to you some review Haikus…

WEEK 13 HAIKUS

Knobby Packers (9-4) def. Hostert with the Mostert (6-7)

138.64 - 95.12

KNOB

Thielen, Diggs, Landry

A team ready for playoffs

KNOB gets sweet revenge

HOST

Monday night poop show

Davante Adams, save me

Bring it on, Cooks! <gulp>

Too Many Cooks (11-2) def. Hospital for Injured RB’s (7-6)

153.62 - 141.0

TMC

Waller feasts on Jets

Reward for sticking with memes

Cook’s salute to Preese

RBIR

Bold Cousins start works

Upset if not for LOL-Jets

‘Member CMC?

When Does Hockey Start (4-9) def. Outdated Sheets (6-7)

142.92 - 127.9

WILD

WILD saves Hosterts

Travis Kelce: Good player

They end 4th in points

SHTS

King Henry falters

Gave it a hell of a run

Josh Allen sure tried

Respect the Specks (5-8) def. 3 Pete (4-9)

135.08 - 75.56

GOGS

How ‘bout that mormon?

GOGS good now that pressure’s off

Specs maintain respect

3P

Players book tee times.

Pack it up, get em next year

What happened there, Clyde?

PLAYOFF PREVIEWS

Now we’re into the kind of awkward 8-team playoff structure where teams will face off for 2 weeks in a row before moving on to the final round. In lieu of recaps next week, we’ll have some fun with numbers and give out some regular season awards (including Oof of the Year). For now, here’s a quick preview of the first Round Championship matches:

1. Too Many Cooks vs. (4) Hostert with the Mostert

It became clear pretty early that Too Many Cooks would find itself atop the standings when the year concluded. Indeed, they ended with 7 wins in a row (one for each other team in the league) to get here. The not-so-secret sauce has been Dalvin Cook. His dominance in the middle of the season allowed TMC their separation, but the rest of the roster carries equal threat. High ceiling playmakers like Tyreek Hill, Keenan Allen and Darren Waller are all capable of having monster weeks, and it seems like every week at least one of them does. 

HOST enjoyed solid, if not outstanding production from their starters for a vast majority of the year. Unfortunately, late injuries and COVID protocols have taken their toll and have pushed HOST’s depth to the limit, especially at RB. The team’s floor is now dependent on Davante Adams hitting home-runs, something he’s capable of doing, but not the kind of hope-based strategy you want in the playoffs.

TMC has the better guns in this fight, plain and simple. They will win if they avoid in-game injuries and at least 1 of their many weapons continues to go off. HOST needs at least 2 of their WR’s to boom hard to cover their RB’s and for Mark Andrews to come off the COVID list in style

2. Knobby Packers vs. (3) Hospital for Injured RB’s

Knobby Packers is the clear king of silver this season. They got here by finishing 2nd in wins, points for, and points against. They boast a lineup that’s my literal fantasy with Aaron Rodgers throwing to Diggs and Thielen, and a RB core that’s even more dangerous.

First things first, cheers to Hospital for Injured RB’s for making it thus far despite the well-documented struggles. Their bad luck with injuries evened out in the matchups a bit, as they finished 7th in Points For and 8th in Points Against in the regular season. Their lineup was trending healthier at the end of the season, but the abundance of ragecat gifs in the discord this week indicates some regression in that department.

Simlar to the above matchup, the KNOB starters are in general a cut above what RBIR can field. It isn’t KNOB owner Alex St. Peter’s MO to underestimate his opponents, which is wise since RBIR has proven in recent games that he can pack a punch. The projection favors KNOB, but I could see RBIR pulling off the upset if Kamara is ignored by Hill, Kirk Cousins has sneaky good games, and Julio and/or Christian McCaffrey returns next week. 

League News

I didn’t see a unanimous decision for Consolation Bracket betting, so I’ll leave you all to figure that out amongst yourselves.

Best of luck in the Playoffs!

Coming soon...

Week 12 Recap - The Desolation of Tyreek

 

You knew it’d come down to this, didn’t you? This week, we had a WR of mass destruction, said goodbye to the champs and thickened the plot significantly. Let’s go. In and out. 5 minute recap:

WEEK 12 RECAPS

Respect The Specks (4-8) def. Hostert with the Mostert (6-6)

136.92 - 121.8

Respect The Specks steps up and stiff-arms HOST’s playoff push with a robust showing. No Lamar Jackson? No problem! Just plug last week’s TE Taysom Hill in at QB and you’re all set. With 2 rushing TD’s Hill did a better Kyler Murray impression this week than Kyler Murray. Nick Chubb and Jet Jefferson dropped a couple quarters to round out the nut-punching. Murray and RB1 Josh Jacobs picked a pretty bad time to turn into pumpkins, wasting a spectacular 36-point Thanksgiving showing by Antonio Gibson. Not even the return of RB/Mascot Raheem Mostert could push the Hosterts over the edge. 

 Hospital for Injured RBs (7-5) def. 3 Pete (4-8)

118.86 - 113.84

“I survived DK Metcalf 2020” - Jared Grimm, RBIR owner.

He almost did it again. DK’s hard charge on Sunday night briefly gave 3 Pete the lead despite a 19 point defecit. It came down to Eric Ebron to save RBIR on Monday, then Tuesday, then eventually Wednesday afternoon. Fortunately, Ebron delivered and prevented the Doomsday Oof scenario (“Doofsday”?) from taking place for Grimm’s beleaguered squad. Although RBIR faces a hard challenge in their opponents this week, they will do so with the services of Austin Ekeler, who displayed his readiness in a 24 point performance from the bench. This loss also checks 3 Pete into the elimination station. Respect to owner Kevin Duong for a hell of a run.

Too Many Cooks (10-2) def. Outdated Sheets (6-6)

149.2 - 122.28  

Allen. Henry. Robinson. Woods. Long ago the 4 SHTS playmakers lived together in harmony. Then, everything changed when Tyreek Hill attacked. Only Michael Thomas, master of the last 4 fantasy seasons could stop him. But when Outdated Sheets needed him most, he vanished. 

One week passed, and Zach discovered a new playmaker, a running back named Wayne Gallman. Though his End-Zone finding skills are great, he has a lot of running to do before he’s ready to save anyone. But I believe… Gallman can save the SHTS.

Knobby Packers (8-4) def. When Does Hockey Start (3-9)

151.92 - 115.48 

It was a Thanksgiving Feast for the Knobby packers. Alex St. Peter opted for a double-serving of Texans in his Week 12 lineup. The result was a 85 point posting on Thursday that pretty much allowed him to go into a food-coma for the rest of the weekend. The win was one of a few things that officially punched KNOB’s ticket to the championship bracket, however it was not without a little bit of controversy. Will Fuller’s 35 point performance ended up being his swan song for the 2020 season, as he was suspended after the game. Naturally, this caused some to speculate after what St. Peter really puts in all that cheese. Fortunately for KNOB, the commissioner’s office said in a statement that their investigative budget was already spent attempting to figure out the minimum number of bites needed to consume a Chipotle Burrito*.

*Their answer was 5, with proper stretching and meditation. 6 without.

PLAYOFF PICTURE

1. Too Many Cooks (10-2)*

2. Knobby Packers (8-4)*

3. Hospital for Injured RBs (7-5)

4. Hostert With The Mostert (6-6)
   __________________________

5. Outdated Sheets (6-6)

6. 3 Pete (4-8)e

7. Respect The Specks (4-8)e

8. When Does Hockey Start (3-9)e

*-Clinched WB spot

e-Eliminated from WB contention

The Final Showdown

And so it will come down to Week 13 to see which two teams finish the final two playoff slots and who is left doing the ol’ Javert-at-the-window meme. The big winner of Week 12 was Hospital for Injured RB’s. As the only team in the melee to win their match, more things would need to happen to keep them out than to let them in. Just like last week, we’ll go team by team:

Hospital For Injured RB’s - 

RBIR advances if:

• They win.

-OR-

• HOST or SHTS lose.

-OR-

• They lose, SHTS wins, but RBIR outscores SHTS by 44 points.

Holding off DK Metcalf turned out to be absolutely clutch for RBIR. They face what no team has faced so far this year in a triple-Cook Package from Too Many Cooks, but there is far less pressure for them to come out on top than there would have been had they lost in Week 12. I was mistaken last week when I reported Christian McCaffrey’s availability for Week 13. Even though he may be healthy enough to play, his team is on the bye. That said, with Austin Ekeler fully recovered and James Robinson quietly continuing his Top-5 year, they’re more than capable of straight up winning the damn thing. Should they win, they will secure the 3rd seed and ensure they don’t meet TMC again until perhaps the final week. This week we’ll see if too many cooks really do spoil the broth.

Hostert With The Mostert

HOST advances if:

• They Win

-OR-

• SHTS loses

Had HOST taken care of business last week, the only thing left to decide for them this week would be their first round opponent. Instead, they face very real danger against the 2nd best team in the league with the Knobby Packers . Both teams are dealing with some unexpected gaps in their lineups with plenty at stake. HOST was able to hand KNOB one of their 4 losses back in Week 6, but that week featured the Aaron Rodgers impersonator and did not feature league-leading RB Alvin Kamara. KNOB is out Will Fuller but still rocks Diggs and Theilen. HOST gains Raheem Mostert but loses Josh Jacobs, and might be banking on another boom by Antonio Gibson, who was drafted by KNOB. Both teams are out their top end TE’s. If HOST wins, they’re in, if KNOB wins, not only do they get revenge for Week 6, but they have a chance to eliminate the 3rd highest scoring team in the league before the playoffs even begin. Overall, This matchup with KNOB has the potential to be the LTML equivalent of the fight between The Hound and Brienne of Tarth at the end of Game of Thrones Season 4 (remember those days?). 

When asked about his plans for Sunday, HOST owner Evan Wilberg said he would, “pour myself a tall drink, and light a candle for the WILD wombo combo.”

Outdated Sheets

SHTS advances if:

• They win and HOST loses

-OR-

• They win, HOST wins, RBIR loses and does not outscore SHTS by 44 points.

Welp. The bad news, obviously, is that Tyreek Hill did very mean things to your team last week. The good news is that this was the matchup you probably figured it would come down to anyway, and you’re well set up for it. SHTS projects for the 2nd highest score this week, and plays against the 8th place team in the league. And yet... Despite having just 3 wins, WILD has actually scored the 4th most points over the course of the season, and that’s not counting the Lockett in your Pocket game. Mahomes has a chance to terrorize the SHTS for the 2nd straight week, this time directly and with regular partner-in-crime Travis Kelce. Will this be the week Michael Thomas finally steps out of the telephone booth donning his Superman costume and saves the day? If so, all you need is the Knobby bros to do you a solid and you’ve made the dance.

Lastly, I will admit, it’s super unlikely but it would tickle the hell out of me if that second scenario plays out but RBIR catches SHTS in the tiebreaker. That would mean the difference came down to the Le’Veon Bell IR debacle, and the week SHTS started 3 injured players.

Now you know what to watch for. Best of luck to all involved. It’s nice to have things come down to the wire.

Ah, lest we forget:

   

Boy were there an awful lot of gigantic Oofs that nearly happened this week with the COVID delays and late DK shenanigans. That isn’t to say there weren’t good ones that did end up playing out. This week I’m doing an honorable mention along with the full OOTW. Both are of the aforementioned losers on the playoff bubble, one who suffered a long, drawn out demise last week, the other who suffered what was more of an assassination:

Honorable mention goes to HOST owner Evan Wilberg, who sat full and satisfied on his parent’s couch on Thanksgiving night, full of turkey and mashed potatoes. On the TV, he watched his RB, Antonio Gibson complete his own turkey, scoring his 3rd rushing TD of the night, a rookie record, on the way to a booming 36 points. He and Terry McLaurin combined for over 50, and his opponent’s RB2 J.D. McCissik only managed 5. That setup had him comfortably set up, going into the weekend as a 40 point projected winner, some 150 - 110. A key late-season victory was in his grasp. Unfortunately for him, that plan got flip-turned upside down. Slowly, over the course of Sunday, his lead shrank and GOGS projection rose. It was a slow, drawn out affair, I’m sure many fantasy owners are familiar with. Soon the lead turned into a deficit with a projected victory, then finally the projection caught up with reality. HOST turned a projected win by 40 into a loss by 15. There comes a point, on Sundays like that, where an owner just has to realize what is happening and put his phone down for good. Wilberg learned that lesson the hard way on Sunday. That 55 point swing earns an honorable mention this week.

Speaking of 55 point swings…

Meet Tyreek Hill. Last week he murdered the hopes and dreams of Outdated Sheets fans everywhere with a 57.9(!) point performance. That was so clearly the new high score of LTML that I didn’t need to check. What I did try to check was if that was the new high score of fantasy period. According to ESPN, that was the most PPR points scored by a skilled player since Jamaal Charles in 2013. The truly savage part about it happening against SHTS this week, is it kinda mattered. If you downgraded Hill’s performance from a god-like 57.9 points to a merely outstanding 30, SHTS would have won the contest, but nah: If there’s one thing Too Many Cooks needed, it was another lethal weapon. That’s enough for the Oof of the Week.

WEEK 13 PREVIEWS

Respect the Specks (4-8) vs. 3 Pete (4-8)

Outdated Sheets (6-6) vs. When Does Hockey Start (3-9)

Hospital for Wounded RB’s (7-5) vs. Too Many Cooks (10-2)

Knobby Packers (8-4) vs. Hostert with the Mostert (6-6)

League News

Cheers to an exciting regular season, and thanks for continuing to read this nonsense! Once the bracket is set, I’ll reach out to the consolation bracket to see if we want to set up a side-pot. Of course, feel free to bet amongst yourselves to keep it interesting.

Best of luck in Week 13.

Week 11 Recap - The Mormon Missile

 

This week brought shapeshifting Mormons, one elimination, and a whole lot of table-setting for what will be a cheek-clenching final two weeks in the LTML Regular Season. After the recaps, I will break down the playoff picture and the scenarios that the teams on the bubble face. Let’s get to it!

WEEK 11 RECAP

When Does Hockey Start (3-8) def. Respect the Specks (3-8)

138.98 - 126.76

When Does Hockey Start awakened from its 6-loss slumber in time to defeat Respect the Specks and drag them into the realm of the consolation bracket. The story of this game was the clash of the QB/TE’s. Or the QB/QB/TE’s… it wasn’t super clear. In case you missed it, the buzz across all of Fantasy Football this week was Saints gadget TE Taysom Hill getting the start at QB for the injured Drew Brees. Some formats changed his position straight into QB, but ESPN took a page out of Fantasy Baseball and gave him dual eligibility to start at QB or TE. The Harts continue to be shrewd players on the waiver wire, having snapped up Hill way back on Week 10. And so, a couple weeks after starting a double TE lineup, GOGS found a way to run a 0 TE 2 QB lineup. After a slow start, Hill had an excellent 2nd half and finished with 24.4 points. Outstanding numbers for a TE in 2020, and good enough to lead GOGS for the week and set them up with a hefty cushion with just 2 major players left on Sunday night for WILD. Those players: Patrick Mahomes and Travis Kelce. Kelce calmly asked Hill to hold his beer before turning in 26 points in a delicious, if a bit anticlimactic, display of one-upmanship. The Wombo Combo cleared the deficit and left Ryan Succop to be the MNF cherry-on-top. On Monday, ESPN announced that Hill would only be eligible at QB going forward, and thus the Mormon Missile’s reign of terror at TE has come to an end.

This loss officially eliminated GOGS from the Championship bracket. Even though the season may be lost, I think it’s safe to say that there is no team more entertaining from a roster construction perspective than Nathan and Katie Hart’s Respect the Specks. Here’s to next draft where I have them taking Jake Fromm 3rd overall.

Hostert With The Mostert (6-5) def. Hospital for Injured RB’s (6-5)

149.56 - 83.8

Hostert With The Mostert gets an important win and cruises to victory over the newly registered Hospital for Injured RB’s. For the second straight week it was an all-hands-on-deck, no busts effort by HOST. All players, including specialists, posted in the double-digits, and the lowest scoring skill player was Terry McLaurin with 13.4. When that’s your floor, you’re gonna have a good time. RBIR had issues where you’d expect, as evidenced by Duke Johnson’s 3rd straight start, but alarmingly it was the WR’s that played as if they were physically ill. A quality spot-start by Cam Newton and Eric Ebron weren’t enough to make up the difference. With two down weeks in a row, RBIR will now have to make some magic happen to keep pace in the playoff hunt. Reports indicate that both Austin Ekeler and Christian McCaffrey return in Week 13 a la Gandalf and Eomer. Indeed, like in Two Towers, RBIR will have to survive the HOST of greasy SHTS until they can look to the East at the dawn of Week 13.

Outdated Sheets (6-5) def. 3 Pete (4-7)

132.88 - 94.14

Outdated Sheets’ WR core came alive to give SHTS a clutch victory on Monday night. After last week’s well-documented let down, Michael Thomas, Robert Woods, and Cooper Kupp combined for a whopping 75 points. Derrick Henry contributed a solid 20 as well, scoring half of them during a game-winning OT run. 3P made the difficult decision to sit his Week 1 RB pair of Ezekiel Elliot and Clyde-Edwards Helaire for James Connor and Robert Jones after the former pair had faced some adversity in recent weeks. Unfortunately for 3P, it turned out to be the wrong choice, as Jones in particular struggled to get any kind of steam against the Rams’ D. Elliot and CEH flipped owner Kevin Duong the bird from the bench as they combined for 40 points. Ain’t Fantasy Football the best?

Too Many Cooks (9-2) def. Knobby Packers (7-4)

175.78 - 153.64

The showdown between the division leaders did not disappoint as a 300+ point slugfest ensued. Several star players went punch-for-punch: Keenan Allen matched Adam Thielen, Tyreek Hill matched Dionte Johnson, Wilson matched Rodgers, and even FLEX Brandin Cooks came to play and matched KNOB newcomer Kalen Ballage. In the end, it was Alvin Kamara, of all players, to buckle. Though he still broke double-digits, Kamara posted his lowest score of the season, and dropped his matchup against Iron Chef Prime Dalvin Cook by 15 points. This and Darren Waller’s return to WR1 status was enough for Too Many Cooks to gain the edge in this bitter matchup. It is especially bitter for KNOB, as they go unrewarded despite posting the 2nd highest score of the week. Of their 4 losses, 2 have come by this method. The loss also keeps KNOB from clenching their postseason spot, though a Rube-Goldberg level of things would have to happen to keep them out for good. The win does lock up the top seed for TMC, and if these teams were to meet again in the championship, as has been predicted, you can bet your ass we’re in for some more fireworks.

PLAYOFF PICTURE

1. Too Many Cooks (9-2)*

2. Knobby Packers (7-4)

3. Hostert With The Mostert (6-5)

4. Outdated Sheets (6-5)

__________________________________

5. Hospital for Injured RBs (6-5)

6. 3 Pete (4-7)

7. When Does Hockey Start (3-8)e

8. Respect The Specks (3-8)e

*-Clinched WB spot

e-Eliminated from WB contention

3 Team Meele - With the 1 & 2 seeds relatively secured, we have three 6-5 teams fighting over the two remaining Winner’s Bracket slots. RBIR has fallen from the 3rd seed and now find themselves on the outside looking in due to the Points For tiebreaker. The tiebreaker will likely loom large, as none of the three 6-5 teams play each other in the final two weeks. Let’s take a closer look at the path these three teams face:

Hostert With The Mostert - Host has two major advantages over the other contenders:

1. A 250+ lead in the Points For tiebreaker

2. They have already faced Too Many Cooks a second time.

Life will get a lot easier for HOST if they can take care of business against Respect the Specks. Though they avoid TMC, their regular season finale is against Knobby Packers, which is literally almost as challenging. If things go well this week, they can look at the finale as a chance to cheekily snipe the #2 seed from KNOB. If they do not, it turns into a dicey fight for survival against a highly challenging opponent. As any Darkest Dungeon player will tell you, overconfidence is a slow and insidious killer.

Outdated Sheets - Being on the wrong end of a few very lopsided losses earlier in the year has perhaps disguised how dangerous this team can be from week-to-week. Josh Allen and Derrick Henry provide consistency, while the WR core is full of X-factor upside. If they get 2/3 of those WR’s to boom, they can beat most teams in a given week. They might need all 3 to boom against their Week 12 opponent, Too Many Cooks, but it very well could happen. If they pull off the victory, they’ll be in good shape against the eliminated (though still dangerous) WILD. They currently lead RBIR in the Points For tiebreaker by 40, so their overall points could matter just as much as their wins or losses for that final spot.

Hospital for Injured RBs - It’s right there in the title. The fact that they’re still in the hunt given the amount of high profile injuries is commendable, but for their defiant run to continue, they’ll have to perform against the toughest schedule of the three. The first step is against a 3 Pete team that is still technically in the hunt. If they keep pace after that, their final boss is none other than Too Many Cooks. As mentioned, they’ll get a boon in the form of their top two RB’s returning for that final week. If they can make the Winners Bracket, those two may allow them to make a run for the title. They just gotta get there. 

So You’re Telling Me There’s a Chance:

3 Pete - Though the road is winding, you cannot count the champs out yet.
3 Pete makes the Winner’s Bracket if:

• They win out

• At least two of the three above teams lose out

• 3P wins the Points For tiebreaker over at least two.

3 Pete holds a slim lead over SHTS and RBIR for the tiebreaker, so those are the two teams they have the best shot with. One of those teams, RBIR, is their Week 12 opponent.

Knobby Packers - On the flip side, there is still a chance for Knobby Packers to find themselves in the consolation bracket. It’s even more unlikely than the above scenario, but technically possible, so let’s play it out for the memes. 
Knobby Packers misses the Winner’s Bracket if:

• They Lose out.

• All three 6-5 teams win out

-OR-

• They go 1-1

• All three 6-5 teams win out

• All three 6-5 must pass KNOB in Points For

Regarding that last bit, the gap between KNOB and RBIR in Points For is 337, so… probably not. Still, with two weeks to go, KNOB could wind up placing anywhere between 1-5. How neat is that?

So there you have it, the paths are laid out. All that’s left now is for you to set your rosters and hang onto your butts. 

Ah, wait, I suppose there is one more thing:

This one’s going to be short and sweet cause the playoff breakdown took so long. This week I’m giving it to 3 Pete for a classic Oof: Bench outscores the active roster. The only thing worse than an underperforming 1st round RB is one that finally decides to perform as soon as you bench him.

WEEK 12 PREVIEW

3 Pete (4-7) vs. Hospital for Injured RBs (6-5)

Too Many Cooks (9-2) vs. Outdated Sheets (6-5)

When Does Hockey Start (3-8) vs. Knobby Packers (7-4)

Hostert With The Mostert (6-5) vs. Respect The Specks (3-8)

League News

Seems the COVID flare up that’s hitting the country is also affecting the league, we’ve got a few more cases than in weeks past, so the contingency list will be up shortly after this post goes live. As a reminder, it’s optional, but the only thing it costs you is time.

Best of luck in Week 12. Have a happy Thanksgiving, folks. May the only comas you experience be food-related.

Week 10 Recap - Don't Get Eliminated!!!

 

(Further reminder that Blankenships always provide fantastic entertainment)

Week 10 brought us our first clinch and our first elimination. Which teams have gone the way of Justin Jefferson, solidifying themselves as long term players, and which have gone the way of Pat Elflein or Luke Kunin Wild jerseys? Let’s find out:

WEEK 10 RECAPS 

Too Many Cooks (8-2) def. 3 Pete (4-6)

105.72 - 100.48

It went down to the wire, but Too Many Cooks prevailed over 3 Pete, securing their 8th win and the first team in the LTML to secure a playoff berth. All memes were on hand Monday night to see if Dalvin Cook could keep his meatball brigade rolling against a highly competent Chicago defense. The rest of TMC had been held to a simmer last week in comparison to their usual numbers, and 3 Pete entered MNF with a 10 point cushion. Dalvin was projected to easily eclipse the 10-point margin, but in reality that was only half-true. Were it not for an injury to Aikeem Hicks, Dalvin may very well have not made his mark, but alas for 3 Pete the Hashmark Slinging Slasher found a way and carried TMC to a narrow victory. Interestingly, this was the first week TMC owner Aaron Preese deployed a 2-Cook package, starting Brandin Cooks after several sterling performances on the bench. The kitchen proved to be just a bit too hot for Cooks though, as he only mustard 9.9 points. Preese hinted at potential tough decisions regarding his roster, specifically the sous Cooks, as their production has been waning as of late. If he decides to temp the fantasy gods again after the results of his last attempt, I will have the popcorn ready.

For 3 Pete, this matchup was the 4th straight that was decided by 5 or fewer points. They have gone 2-2 in this stretch, and if owner Kevin Duong has not passed away from a stroke by this point he has probably experienced every possible fantasy football emotion. This week, he was on the losing end of the Carolina WR game of musical chairs, helpless as DJ Moore tripled up Robbie Anderson from the bench. Then he lost the DK Metcalf coin flip, as the mammoth WR busted for less than 5 points. Then it looked like the matchup might be salvaged by D’Andre Hopkins’ incredible hail mary catch. Finally, with just minutes left in the Monday Night game, Dalvin Cook banged his head against the brick wall of the CHI D/ST long enough to finally break through. The next stop for 3 Pete on the LTML roller coaster is against the SHTS, in a matchup that has make-or-break implications for the playoffs.

Hostert With The Mostert (5-5) def. When Does Hockey Start (2-8)

162.1 - 93.78

Hostert With The Mostert secures an emphatic, and much needed victory over When Does Hockey Start to get back to .500 and 4th place. They got great-to-excellent scores up and down the roster, riding that and the animated corpse of Jimmy Graham to the top score of the week. Josh Jacobs return to Week 1 form and the growing legend of Kyler Murray were the standouts. 

WILD becomes the league’s first elimination with their 6th straight loss. Little has gone right for them since Week 4 when they righted their ship at 2-2 (the benching of Tyler Lockett’s 50 points stands out among other instances of bad luck). This week the reliable Mahomes-Kelce wombo combo was on bye, and the Titan-heavy replacements failed to hold a candle to that missing flame.  The WILD points leader was the kicker Ryan Succop, which kinda tells you everything you need to know. It remains to be seen if owner Dan Bell will keep giving attention to his ownership duties after his team’s elimination, or if he will dive headlong into his efforts to lobby the state of Minnesota into funding his state-of-the-art indoor frisbee complex known as the “Belldome”.

Knobby Packers (7-3) def. Outdated Sheets (5-5) 

161.7 - 96.26

Knobby Packers rides a quartet of excellent performances en route to a comfortable win over Outdated Sheets. Rookie D’Andre Swift joins the usual suspects of Rodgers, Kamara, and Diggs as each dropped performances of 25 or more. That alone would be enough to clear SHTS total and make up for one or two duds elsewhere. Not much to say about KNOB except they’re really fucking good and they did all this damage despite giving Adam Theilen the week off to make off-site dental sales. On their horizon looms Too Many Cooks. It’s a blockbuster matchup that will likely determine who will start the playoffs as the #1 seed.

Going into the week, Outdated Sheets lamented having too many WR1’s the way some memes lament having too many limes. That ended up not being such an issue, as all four ended up turning into lemons on Sunday (*bows* Thank you, thank you! Yes, please put that Pulitzer over there with the others.) Not even Josh Allen’s hefty appendage could overcome the lack of WR production and a Titans game where Derrick Henry looked more mortal than he actually is. SHTS and HOST are now tied up at 5-5 and vying for the 4th seed, but SHTS must first deal with the next closest threat in 3 Pete next week. 

Respect the Specs (3-7) def. Team Grimm (6-4)

146.96 - 84.22

Respect The Specs rumbles to life with a commanding victory over Team Grimm. After weeks of mediocre production, GOGS gave their lineup a thorough shake-up and it paid off. Rookie receivers Chase Claypool and Justin Jefferson were explosive, and led the team with 20+ point efforts. The most crucial addition this week was the return of RB1 and former dawg Nick Chubb. In a roster full of dangerous yet inconsistent talent, Chubb ought to ratchet up the floor or GOGS production. Rodrigo Blankenship also cleared 10 points for the first games since week 5, ensuring the specs were indeed respected this week.

Team Grimm got the news pretty early on this week that Christian McCaffrey would not be available to build on his triumphant return, and the effects were surely felt around the GRIM facility during practice this week. Marvin Jones Jr. was nonplussed but the rest of the team performed without any wind in their sales. Between byes and injuries, GRIM was forced to trot out the likes of Duke Johnson in a mulligan of a matchup. The dilemmas of owner Jared Grimm and his depleted roster have been covered previously (and will be covered again, surely), but at least his lead in the standings allowed him to take the L without falling too far. They’ll have to dig deep and hold fast against playoff challenger HOST next week.

For this week, it would be more accurate to call this the ‘Oof of the Year’. Not for any singular blunder, but a drawn-out, recurring series of oofs that have plagued one team disproportionately throughout the year. I am, of course, referring to the squad formerly known as Team Grimm. Christian McCaffrey’s 2nd stint on the injured list is just the latest bullet point on an extensive list of injuries. It is well-known that injuries are a part of fantasy football and all sports. It’s a random menace that all owners and decision makers have to deal with over the course of a year. What makes owner Jared Grimm’s situation special in its misery is the caliber of the player that has been lost. He summed it up himself in the discord channel this week:

• 3 weeks out of (1st overall pick) CMC

• 3 out of (2nd round pick) Austin Ekeler

• 4th round WR (Courtland Sutton) died after one game

• 5th round WR (Amari Cooper) lost his QB

• Said QB (Dak Prescott), was drafted in the 9th round and died

In light of this, Team Grimm has renamed themselves as “Hospital for Injured RBs” We shall see if the Fantasy gods hear this plea, or if they simply turn their cold, unfeeling gaze to the WR’s or poor Will Lutz. That’s enough for the Oof of the Week.

WEEK 11 PREVIEWS

Knobby Packers (7-3) vs. Too Many Cooks (8-2) *POGGERS!!!*

Respect the Specks (3-7) vs. When Does Hockey Start (2-8)

Hospital for Injured RBs (6-4) vs. Hostert with the Mostert (5-5)

Outdated Sheets (5-5) vs. 3 Pete (4-6)

League News

The payout contingency proposed last week has passed. Thanks for voting, dudes!

That’ll be all for this week. Best of luck in Week 11!