I'm pleased to report that last week's interview with Avengers Captain Ace brought this blog to heights I didn't think it'd ever reach. In just 3 days, the interview was able to amass 8 views and that number continues to go up each time I borrow a friend's laptop to check. Given its success I've decided to keep up the interviews and turn it into our first ever series: The Flaccid Files! In this edition, veteran forward Impizzle took some time off from drills to speak to me about his heritage, his teammates, and how he almost hung it all up:
DP3: One of the things you're known for in pro circles is your fitness routine. Almost every day you can be seen picking up pieces of broken-off fences and carrying them around on your back. Have you been feeling sore from this routine lately?
Impizzle: In regards to my fitness, I've been trying to really work hard this year to get back into shape. After a year off last year, coach left me out of our teams first matches. He wouldn't even let me be in our reserves. The fences have been a great way to build strength and I'm hoping by the end of the season, I might even be able to carry Fe Fi Fo Fum (Ace) around for a bit.
DP3: Your last name, Buttfumbler, also carries quite a bit of prestige. What percentage of your family is Butt and how much is Fumbler?
Impizzle: My last name comes from a Irish decent. My family name was always Butt (because I come from a long line of A**holes) and I actually choose to add the fumbler to the end...I feel it supports the ball control I have out on the pitch.
DP3: When I sat down with him, Ace mentioned that he signed you from free agency to provide a much needed veteran presence. What's something you've learned from your time in the league that you hope you can pass on to your younger teammates?
Impizzle: My time in free agency was all for but a year. I had actually retired at the end of the the 2016 season and hung up my boots. I realized recently though that I've missed the game too much and needed to return. Upon my return I've realized one thing that all the young stars in this league should take to heart: no one wants to sign a football player taller than 5'3"[6'3''?]. If that's you, there isn't many places you can go. That's why I was so happy that Ace and Zaron were able to get me back to a club that cares about it's players and that doesn't have a height restriction.
DP3: We heard rumors at the beginning of the season that you and stealthpants both requested to be number 69. Typically in these situations we see the younger player give way to the veteran, but you agreed to let him have it in the end. I have to know, what kind of deal did he make with you to get the precious number 69?
Impizzle: I had been talking to players in our club house quite a bit about Stealthpants before my return. He's a very talented young rookie. The kid had the right mindset, makes good players and actually plays defence which is a tough characteristic to find in a player. As we all know the number 69 is the most important number to any professional club. After seeing this kid in action, I felt he could very well become the future of our franchise. And knowing the weight of number 69 will give him that much more incentive to be the best he can.
It's like they always say, 'blessed is he who gives away a 69 for nothing in return.' Keep checking back for more Flaccid Files(!) and elite garbage-level coverage of your favorite team. Stay flaccid folks!
Sheer genius!
ReplyDelete