Week 7 Recap - There's a Lockett in your Pocket

The LTML has enjoyed a good degree of parity so far this year. Even so, we’ve reached the point of the season where some teams are separating themselves in good ways and bad. 3 of the games this week were very tight. One was not. We had pitched battles, explosive receivers, and no shortage of Oofs. Let’s get to it.

WEEK 7 RECAPS

Too Many Cooks (5-2) def. Respect the Specks (2-5)

126.32 - 119.54

Back from the pit of despair, Too Many Cooks regain their winning ways in a hard-fought battle with Respect the Specks. The lead story for TMC is, of course, the re-spicing of the meatballs. This week, TMC owner Aaron Preese reached out to Jared Cook and managed to get him back on the team despite his surprise cutting during last week’s bye. Preese gave the following explanation when asked for comment:

“Too Many Cooks original vision was to have two cooks in the kitchen/bench at all times. When Dalvin went down there were many discussions, Zoom calls with my close confidants and we decided 3 cooks in the kitchen were indeed Too Many Cooks. Fans went crazy all over the subreddit making dank memes and saying how we weren’t following what this team is made for: The Cooks. The team is 1-1 without Jared Cook and now 5-0 with him in the kitchen. The results speak for themselves.”

That they did. With a rejuvenation of morale and the return of proven starters Russell Wilson and Darren Waller, TMC made it so even Jameis could eat that ‘W’. 

Since we’re heeding team names, let’s give some respect to The Specks. They had a huge bye load featuring star QB Lamar Jackson, Justin Jefferson, and the all-important Kenny Blankenship. In their place. Joe Burrow, AJ Green(!), and Michael Badgley all responded admirably. Hell, even Todd Gurley scored a 2nd touchdown for them when he didn’t really want to. Unfortunately, it was two busts by the boom-or-busts, Jerrick McKinnon and Chase Claypool, that bit the GOGS this week. The former was especially frustrating as it seems 49ers coach Kyle Shannahan did GOGS a big mischief by wanting to give McKinnon an unofficial bye week. At 2-5 their odds for the postseason may be long, but they’re not out. Although this league has its frontrunners, it does seem that any given team each week has a chance for a win.

 

Hostert With The Mostert (4-3) def. Outdated Sheets (3-4)

163.7- 66.68

Hostert With The Mostert enjoys the week’s only blowout en route to their 3rd straight win as they improve to 4-3. Earlier in the year, injuries and bye weeks resulted in a pretty bare WR cupboard for HOST. This week, the original starters finally returned and the results were gratifying. The three receivers totalled 90 points. Davante Adams led with 44.6 points in what, at the time, I figured to be a lock for the week’s top performance. Kyler Murray would top off the explosive week in a 37 point effort, solidifying his top QB status going into the bye.

Outdated Sheets is a team that lives at the extremes. In 4 out of 7 games, they’ve either had the highest score or the lowest score (1 to 3, respectively). They also do it in memorable ways: Sometimes they’re carried on to victory on a 40 point performance, other times, they stumble to defeat on the absent backs of injured starters. This week was most decidedly the latter. You may remember the well documented starting of the injured and soon-to-be-cut LeVeon Bell from a couple weeks ago. Well take that situation and add an owner who dared to have a social life between Thursday and Sunday. Three of his starters were questionable at the beginning of the week, but turned doubtful and eventually out by the weekend. His support of the adorable future Hart baby was not appreciated by the weird, friendless fantasy gods. And so it was, the triple goose-egg. Michael Thomas, Joe Mixon, and Jamison Crowder, three players who are capable of hanging 30-40 on you any given day, were nil before the games began. As a result, SHTS posted the low score of the season. HOST got to enjoy an easy victory this week, but this is the team where you never know when they’re going to go off. Depends how much owner Zach Pauras stays in his basement.

Knobby Packers (5-2) def. 3 Pete (2-5)

117.42 - 116.38

Knobby Packers always seem to find themselves in the thick of things. They endured the closest match of the season to improve to 5-2 over 3 Pete. KNOB wisely predicted an Aaron Rodgers revenge game against the Texans as well as Alvin Kamara’s return as a true RB1. What they didn’t predict was CeeDee Lamb and AJ Dillon’s practical silence for the week. KNOB’s players were all done after the afternoon games, so all that was left for owner Alex St. Peter to do was wait and hope his 117 points would hold. 

3 Pete’s early and afternoon starters were lacking a standout effort until rookie QB Justin Herbert put on a damn impressive show against Jacksonville to the tune of 38.5 points. Herbert’s big day must have been a breath of fresh air for owner Kevin Duong, who has been often burned at the QB position this year. The rookie put 3P into striking range for Sunday night and the final two players of the matchup: WR’s D’Andre Hopkins and DK Metcalf. They needed to produce 30 points between them, a bar they were projected to clear by just three points. 

Sunday night was an instant classic of a game for NFL fans, and I’m pleased to say it was the same for LTML fans. The way the game was playing out, Hopkins was doing his part and producing strongly. DK Metcalf, on the other hand, was being completely overshadowed by Tyler Lockett’s career day. Metcalf did save Seattle 6 points when he ran down Bhuda Baker after a pick in what was perhaps the defensive play of the year, but in fantasy all that gets you is a pat on the head. As the end of the 4th quarter drew near, 3P was just 3 points short of KNOB. But then Kyler Murray led a gutsy, 1-minute drive down the field and Zane Gonzalez sent the game into OT with a field goal. Suddenly 3P had 10 more minutes to get 3 points. Hopkins wasn’t used in the Cardinals’ drive, but when Seattle got the ball Metcalf finally got his number called. He caught a pass near the sidelines, evaded a tackler to get loose, and ran it to the house locking down the victory for both Seattle and 3 Pete… or he would have if the play hadn’t been called back on a holding penalty (this moment was 3rd place for ‘Oof of the Week’, for the record). They played on. Nearly the entire OT period was used. On what would likely be their final drive, Kyler Murray hit D’Andre Hopkins for a short gain. 3P was one point away, Hopkins just needed 10 yards or one more reception anywhere on the field… just ONE! 

But it did not come.

Murray completed the Cardinals’ comeback against their tough division rival, but he did not make the completion 3 Pete needed for theirs. 3P has had some let-down losses this year, but you gotta think this one is the most… let-downiest… They enter their 2nd trip around the league with little margin for error. Unless their luck changes, they may start next year as simply ‘Pete’.

Team Grimm (5-2) def. When Does Hockey Start (2-5)

135.32 - 123.64

Live footage from Jared Grimm’s house on Sunday night:

Team Grimm evade the Tyler Lockett monster jam and find themselves in the 5 win club. James Robinson went off, and the rest of the team more-or-less hit their projections. A good showing that deserves the win, but that’s not what you’re here for.

Let’s talk about the WILD WR core this week. They ate their Wheaties. The three that started averaged 24 points. Two of them doubled their projection. Tyler Boyd even threw for 16 yards in addition to his excellent game.

AND YET…

Tyler Lockett broke 50 points and he did it from the WILD bench. He and Russell Wilson were absolutely in love on Sunday night. 15 receptions, 200 yards, 3TD’s add up to a league high 53 point performance. Lockett is now the 2nd ranked WR in the league despite already having his bye. Despite the sterling performances of the three WILD starters, if any one of them had been replaced by Lockett, the game would have been decided in their favor before Monday night and David Montgomery’s so-so showing. I’m not a mathematician (I’m a worm permaculturist, thanks for asking), but I believe the odds of winning when one of your players dongs out for 50 points is somewhere between 99% and 99.99999%. It’s safe to say that leaving Lockett on the bench constitutes a pretty big Oof. The only question is: Is it big enough to be...

Originally I thought this was going to be a pretty easy decision. There’s usually a couple instances a year where an injured player gets started by mistake, but for three to happen in the same week, on the same team, with a manager that is not perma-AFK? That’s special. I thought SHTS owner Zach Pauras had his second OOTW in the bag. Then the above-mentioned Lockett snuffing took place and suddenly there was a choice. A bench player going ham certainly isn’t unusual, it’s about as classic an Oof as it gets. But there’s a reason it’s classic. No matter how many times you see it happen to someone else, the schadenfreude is always palpable and delicious. So which is the greater Oof? Let’s break it down to find out:

It is said that the three phases of football are offense, defense, and special teams. In comparison, the three phases of an Oof of the Week are poor judgment, bad luck, and maximum consequences. Just like in football, you typically need two of these in your favor to win. Let’s go phase-by-phase.

Poor judgment: As covered in the recap section, WILD did end up getting great production from the WR’s they did start. Not 50 points worth of course, but under any other circumstance there’s not much to question there. Lockett is a good receiver, but he had been cold for the two weeks leading up to his bye so you can kinda understand leaving him out for the hotter hands. On the SHTS hand, if you know going into the weekend that 3 of your starters are listed as questionable or worse, you have to put a mental note to check-in at least once before noon on Sunday. You can set your alarm for 11:50 and still have enough time to shuffle starters or shoot from the Free Agency hip. All that is extra, however. Everyone knows that someone who prioritizes IRL interaction over fantasy football is clearly misguided. Adv. SHTS

Bad luck: This one is close. WILD has 4 A-level receivers and only 3 possible slots. 25% odds of missing the jackpot. Not great, not terrible. For SHTS, I don’t have numbers about the percent chance a questionable player ends up playing vs. sitting, but I gotta think luck is less of a factor with injury reports since they are, ya know, reports. You’re guaranteed 90 minutes before a game to know the status of your players. That makes SHTS situation preventable, and bad luck is, by definition, unpreventable. I know it sounds like I’m shitting on SHTS again, but there’s a certain peace that their situation has over WILD’s. Once the mistake is made, that’s it, it’s done. Whereas, WILD has to watch things play out while still having hope that things could still break in their favor. A strong Oof devours hope. Adv. WILD 

Maximum Consequences: This one is much easier. SHTS ended up avoiding the century-dunk, but still lost by 97. It’s improbable that their three injured starters would have made up the difference. For WILD, Lockett on the bench was the difference between a win and a loss. That is as consequential as it gets for regular season fantasy football.

Additionally, these consequences come with a dose of irony, because all 3 Pete needed was one of those passes from Lockett to find DK Metcalf in order to win. It’s not like WILD was using them. It was the fantasy equivalent of throwing your leftovers in the garbage while making eye contact with a homeless person. Adv. WILD

Therefore, by 2-1 decision, Oof of the Week goes to Dan Bell’s When Does Hockey Start for the benching of Tyler Lockett.

WEEK 8 MATCHUPS

We have completed our first trip around the league. It’s time for the Week 1 rematches:

3 Pete (2-5) vs. Hostert With The Mostert (4-3)

When Does Hockey Start (2-5) vs. Too Many Cooks (5-2)

Outdated Sheets (3-4) vs. Team Grimm (5-2)

Respect The Specks (2-5) vs. Knobby Packers (5-2)

League News

Keep an eye out on the discord this week for contingency payout proposals. In other words, if the season ends early, to what degree will the results be honored. Now is probably the fairest time to do them since we’re far enough into the season to see the end and no team is yet eliminated. Again, since the league was founded on the understanding that fees would be returned if the season ended early, any changes would require unanimous approval. If you have suggestions for how this should be done, shoot me a DM.

Best of luck in Week 8!

Week 6 Recap - The Culling of the Cooks

We’re in the thick of it now. Week 6 is the second week of (official) byes and the results of it can be seen in some of the matchups. This week featured a Monday-night nail-biter, waiver wire wizardry, and hubris. We’ll hit the recaps in a moment.

But first,

In case you missed it, Minnesota sports media icon Sid Hartman passed away this weekend at 100 years of age. Hartman’s life might be the most visible example of a person living for their work. That phrase is typically meant to be taken as a positive thing, but in Sid’s case it’s a lot more gray than that. The type of person that comes out of his degree of drive and obsession is a fascinating topic, but ultimately one that isn’t appropriate for this particular space. Others, who have actual stories about him (and holy shit are there so many stories) will be more valuable for your time than any reflections by D’Jasper Probincrux III. I’ll leave a couple of them at the end.

If I may be so bold, I suggest taking any time you had allotted to Thursday’s presidential debate to one of those instead. It will be a damn sight more compelling, and if you have some sort of crotchety old man quota for the week it’ll still be satisfied.

With that said, let’s get to it...

WEEK 6 RECAP

Hostert With The Mostert (3-3) def. Knobby Packers (4-2)

125.62 - 110.7

Hostert With The Mostert wins in a fantasy nail-biter against the first place Knobby Packers. HOST took an early lead in the afternoon games, forcing KNOB owner Alex St. Peter to employ a trusted tactic: The Discord jinx.

Little did he know, the jinx had already been junxed.

Two Weeks Earlier…

More like D’Jinxer Probincrux, amirite?

But by the end of Sunday, the jinxes had neutralized each other and left much to be decided. Both teams projected for a tie as late as halfway through the first of two Monday night games. In the end, HOST needed a solid performance by Kyler Murray without a big game by rising talent Chase Edmonds. Luckily for HOST, that’s what took place. Despite going 9/24 with his arm, he did make a couple deep completions and had 2 TD’s by air and one by land. 

HOST got it done, but certainly didn’t make things easy on themselves. Outside of Murray, they scored just one TD on the week, and it came from the Steelers D/ST. Their 19 point performance, and Justin Tucker’s 16 from the K slot, proved clutch in covering the mediocre performances elsewhere. HOST has hoisted themselves back to .500 and seeks to continue the streak next week against the dreaded SHTS. 

For KNOB, it was two key letdowns that did them in. First was the Aaron Rodgers impersonator that took the field against the Bucs. The 3.8 point total was as ugly as it was inexplicable. The second letdown came from a classic fantasy dilemma. KNOB’s top RB, Alvin Kamara was on bye. To take his place, St. Peter has two options: Chase Edmonds or D’Andre Swift. Both are young RB’s with high future potential. Both have been trending upwards and are thought to be on the cusp of taking over their backfields. Both have names that apply really favorably to a career as a running back. Who do you pick? St. Peter chose Edmonds. The fantasy gods chose Swift. Had it gone the other way, it’s a KNOB win. Sometimes it’s as fickle as that.

Team Grimm (4-2) def. Too Many Cooks (4-2)

150.54 - 72.02

Team Grimm flips from last week’s bottom score to this week’s top and dispatches a depleted Too Many Cooks squad. GRIM’s duo of Matt Ryan and Julio Jones elevated them to victory while daggering the young Vikings D. I was personally interested to see how Alexander Mattison would perform this week, and I was not alone, as his roster percentage jumped over 50 points this week to 92.4 percent. Unfortunately we didn’t really get to find out, as the game script became such a disaster for the Vikings that establishing the run wasn’t really an option. Fortunately for GRIM, they could afford to carry Mattison’s disappointing day and still cruise to victory.

If Too Many Cooks had to pick a week to lose, it might as well have been this one. With Dalvin injured and three of their big money-makers on bye, it was largely a bench-go week. That said, the let-down performances mostly weren’t from the new guys. Mike Evans, Tyreek Hill, and Odell Beckham Jr. pooted out a mere 12 points combined. But, again, if those three had to whiff, might as well do it this week.

Outdated Sheets (3-3) def. When Does Hockey Start (2-4)

129.88 - 119.1

Outdated Sheets has a solid bounce back week with a win AND solving the great IR mystery. SHTS rode to victory on a mammoth 40+ point performance by certified ‘very bad man’ Derrick Henry. Not to be overlooked was a 20 point performance by the Tampa D/ST as they gobbled up Aaron Rodgers for 2 INTs and a pick-6. Those were 15 points above projection and that proved to be vital, as Patrick Mahomes and Travis Kelce made things interesting for WILD. The wombo-combo pair contributed 41 points to lead the team and left WILD just 10 points short.

Respect The Specks (2-4) def. 3 Pete (2-4)

146.34 - 88.12

Respect The Specks seems to enjoy(?) a soul-bond with Gerogia-based football. Just like their Falcons, GOGS bounced back in Week 6 with a resounding victory. Justin Jefferson rewarded their patience en route to nearly 40 points, ironically outscoring both Falcons starters. Also contributing was Week 6 waiver wire darling Chase Claypool. Between Jefferson and Claypool, GOGS has proven to be shrewd on the wire. All told, it was a good football day for Respect the Specks. It only cost them the Braves...

All the frustration 3 Pete worked off last week has probably returned. They got the dreaded goose egg from TE Matt Gesicki, but also bizarre underperformances from the likes of Juju Smith-Schuster, Ezekiel Elliot, and Stephen Gostkowski. For some of those names, these showings are becoming less an anomaly and more of a trend which indicates inconsistency at best and swift fantasy irrelevancy at worst. Call it David Johnson Syndrome. Decisions loom for the former champion. 

Now it’s time for…

Earlier in the recaps I posited that this week’s loss by division leader Too Many Cooks was due to bye weeks for several starters. There is, however, another factor that I’d consider to be far more important: Demoralization. This week, owner Aaron Preese suddenly released TE Jared Cook. Then, despite knowing that Dalvin Cook was going to be out to injury, he sat Brandin Cooks. 

For the first time, there were no cooks in the kitchen. Nobody was there to spice the meatballs. The results are self-evident. The regular starters, used to having a Cook in the roster to anchor them, were confused, disoriented, and probably holding back tears. As a result, they put up season lows. Brandin Cooks did all he could from the bench in an effort reminiscent of a kidnapping victim struggling bound and gagged from the trunk of the car. Suddenly, the most committed naming convention in the league sold itself out for Hayden Hurst. The fantasy gods award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

WEEK 7 MATCHUPS

Hostert With The Mostert (3-3) vs. Outdated Sheets (3-3)

When Does Hockey Start (2-4) vs. Team Grimm (4-2)

3 Pete (2-4) vs. Knobby Packers (4-2)

Too Many Cooks (4-2) vs. Respect the Specks (2-4)

League News

Late last week, we implemented a contingency for last-minute game cancellations due to COVID-19. Hopefully you saw the discord post about it, but I’ll copy it here in case you didn’t. (New detail in bold below) Please reach out if you have thoughts or issues:

Each manager can select a RB and a WR on their bench as a contingency player.  In the event that their starter's game is unexpectedly postponed to a different scoring period, your contingency player's score will be counted in their place. This isn't mandatory, just some optional security. If you want to do this, post your contingency players on the league message board (I will make a topic for it each week).

Fine-print details:

1. Contingency players have to be posted before they play.

2. This is only in effect if the entire game is postponed. If an individual player is out due to COVID, it's treated like any other gametime injury or illness and the contingency will not be in effect.

3. For QB, TE, D/ST, and K, if you have a backup on your bench, they're automatically your contingency player (I don't think anyone has multiple backups). You can't designate a contingency player from FA or waivers.

**4. I will assume your contingency WR is your first choice to back up your FLEX spot. If you rather it be the RB you select, please specify that in your post.

Finally, some media remembering Sid Hartman:

Chad Hartman joins Dan Barreiro to discuss the passing and the legacy of his dad Sid Hartman - Chad Hartman and Dan Barrerio on KFAN

10/19/20 Soucheray and Reusse react to the passing of Sid Hartman - Garage Logic Podcast - Joe Soucheray and Patrick Reusee swapping Sid Hartman Stories for an hour and a half. Even if you’re not typically a fan of GL, give this a shot.

Sid Hartman remembered as Dad, as Grandpa – and, yes, also as 'Sid!' – by son Chad Hartman - Strib article by Reusee

That’s all for now. Best of luck in Week 7!

 

Week 5 Recap: On Knees and the Health Thereof

December 17th, 2017. 10:38 left in the 4th quarter. The 10-3 Minnesota Vikings are completing an effortless, 34-7 dispatch of Marvin Lewis’ Cincinnati Bengals. The game was decided hours ago, and yet something has driven every fan left at U.S. Bank Stadium to their feet. To thunderous applause, Teddy Bridgewater is introduced as the replacement quarterback for the Minnesota Vikings. The last time he took meaningful snaps, he set up his kicker for a chip shot to win his first playoff game, and looked like maybe, just maybe, he might be the Viking’s long-awaited answer at quarterback. Sadly, neither of those came to be. You know the story. In the following training camp, on a non-contact play, Teddy crumples to the ground. His ACL completely tears, and his knee dislocates. Most accounts say the actions of the VIkings’ medical staff saved his leg, some say they saved his life. Although his comeback 15 months later is undoubtedly triumphant, his path was forever altered.

Nov. 18th, 2018. For 11 months, the leg-gods have been kept at bay by constant prayers and the sacrifice of Sam Bradford. Unfortunately for the 6-3 first place Washington Redskin Potatoes and their QB Alex Smith, there would be no mercy today. Smith is hit by two Texans in the backfield and does not get up. His tacklers obscure the play at first, but the replay shows a lower leg bending in a way that makes one’s hair stand on-edge. It is a spiraling compound fracture, from his ankle to his knee. He is rushed to the hospital, and operated upon that night. All seems stable until Smith starts running a fever over the next couple of days. They discover that Smith’s injury has contracted a rare infection, the type usually found from brackish waters or WW1 trenches. It wipes out his right leg to the point that he needs to transfer muscle from his left leg to have a chance at restoring it. But… it works. Smith fights and he rehabs, and over the next year and a half, he works his way back. Not only is he alive, not only is he walking, but he is a quarterback for a professional football team.

October 11th, 2020. 1:53 left in the 2nd quarter. Washington Football Team starter Kyle Allen has been removed from the game after a helmet-to-helmet collision. Sophomore QB Dwayne Haskins has been demoted and is not even in the stadium due to a stomach virus. In these circumstances, with the backdrop of a pandemic, Alex Smith takes the field. Instead of the Bridgewater-sized ovation he deserves, there is only a fraction of FedEx field filled to welcome him back. Yet among the diminished crowd, there are the 4 that count the most. Smith’s wife and 3 children cheer wildly as they witness him complete his journey back. Smith is unable to rally the mostly hapless Football Team to a victory but nobody gives a shit. It’s the type of uplifting moment that represents sports at its best. Smith instantly becomes the Vegas favorite to win Comeback Player of the Year, and if he doesn’t get it the NFL should be yeeted into the sun. Smith’s return would uplift the jaded spirits of sports fans and get us all wondering if we really could have nice things. Right up until...   

The leg-gods prove themselves to be cruel, vindictive assholes.  Dak Prescott, in the midst of a record-pace, contract year, sees an opening in the Giant’s D-line and tucks the ball in for a rush. 9 yards later, he’s brought down by Rashad Jennings on what looks like a regular tackle… until Jennings starts pointing, first at Prescott’s ankle and then at the sidelines. Then Prescott himself signals the sidelines with one hand while the other supports his leg. Next the referee, pointing and blowing the clock dead at what was a shockingly apparent injury. Dak’s ankle wrappings spared us the sight of bone breaking skin, but there is absolutely no mistaking the severity of what took place. Dak is in tears as he was carted off the field, which I thought was incredible, since if that were me I’d 100% be passed the fuck out. Through his hard work and efforts, Dak had set himself up to cash in on a high-risk, specialized career. Now, like Teddy and Alex before him, he faces a long and uncertain road that will forever be different from what he intended. It’s the circle of gruesome injuries in the NFL.

I hope Dak gets to taste the triumph of his immediate predecessors. Teddy has returned to a starting role, making the most out of his tools in Carolina, while Smith’s career history doesn’t leave him anything left to prove. Dak’s timeline for recovery appears faster, but it can’t be taken for granted. Like it or not, he has found himself in the midst of this cycle.

So what, you may ask as one of seven readers of a fantasy football blog, is the point of all that? Well, my takeaway is that maybe the next time I feel like swearing in front of my nieces on Sunday because my flex pick drops a target in the end-zone, potentially costing me 1/15 of my season culminating in a $20 wager, I can, instead, chill the fuck out and count my blessings.

TL;DR: BLESS ALL THE KNEES (AND ANKLES) AND KEEP THEM HEALTHY

Enough about kneecaps, let’s get to recaps.

WEEK 5 RECAPS

Knobby Packers (4-1) def. When Does Hockey Start (2-3)

149.26 - 140.5

A combination of solid wide receiver play and strategic jinxing on discord delivers Knobby Packers their fourth win out of five games. Adam Theilen gobbled up all the points that many thought he’d be splitting with Justin Jefferson and QB Deshaun Watson came off the bench and took care of business. This was a clutch win for KNOB as their top performing Aarons were both on their bye this week. When does Hockey Start made it interesting in what was by far the closest margin this week. As Knobby Packers owner Alex St. Peter pointed out, WILD were on pace for the highest score of the week during the early games, “Yeah, errbody go off against me when they play me.” It turned out to be a perfectly executed jinx. Tyler Lockett had a quiet game by his standards, and the Chiefs D/ST had an awful game by all standards. That was enough to be the difference. WILD’s momentum is cooled after winning two straight, but not by much. Since returning from the Pro Disc Golf Tour in Week 3, WILD are averaging almost 140 points a week and are currently 3rd in Points For on the year. Plus I heard owner Dan Bell won a pink basket or some shit. Still a good week for him.

Too Many Cooks (4-1) def. Outdated Sheets (2-3)

154.38 - 105.22

Just when you thought those sheets were updated… 

Too Many Cooks wins by nearly 50 points over Outdated Sheets. TMC’s starters delivered yet another consistently good team effort, highlighted by Mike Davis and Russell Wilson. They remain on top of their division and are tied with Knobby Packers for the league’s best record. Owner Aaron Preese does face a bit of a test up ahead, losing Dalvin Cook most likely for the next two weeks due to injury and bye. Perhaps it’s another Cook’s time to shine, as Brandin Cooks just put up 30 from the bench. There’s plenty of ammunition in the kitchen.

As for Outdated Sheets, we’ll cover them… later.

 

Hostert With The Mostert (2-3) def. Respect the Specks (1-4)

125.3 - 85.2 

Hostert With The Mostert gets off the schnide and celebrates the return of their namesake with a mostly comfortable win. The matchup was a toss-up after the early games. Respect the Specs did what Dan Quinn could not and got the most out of their Falcons players, enough to mitigate an early injury to Dionte Johnson. For the afternoon games, much rested on the health of Raheem Mostert, who was a gametime decision. Luckily for HOST, he did suit up. Not only did Mostert produce respectable numbers, he hoovered the touches from Jerrick McKinnon, who GOGS started off the waiver wire. This, combined with a tepid Lamar Jackson and invisible Justin Jefferson, put the game away on Sunday for HOST. With Mostert and Davante Adams back in the fold, HOST looks to regain some lost ground in Week 6.

GOGS tumbles to the bottom of the league as the only 1-4 team. Unfortunate as that is, co-owners Nathan and Katie Hart can take solace in the fact that that’s one more win than Quinn will have this year.

3 Pete (2-3) def. Team Grimm (3-2)

167.14 - 68.44

We’ve had a few well documented matchups between the top two scoring teams, but this week, for the first time in our young season, we have the week’s top score matched up with the week’s lowest. 3 Pete took an awful lot of frustration out on Team Grimm en route to their second win. Elliot, Hopkins, Metcalf, and Bal D/ST all went off for 20+ points, and Minshew very nearly joined them. 3P very nearly hammered down a 100 point margin of victory, but landed just 1 point short because Stephen Gostkowski had first-world kicker problems, going 6/6 on XP’s.

. 

It appears that Team Grimm might be cursed. Just in time for spooky season, GRIM boasts the most talented graveyard in the league. Christian McCaffrey (1st round), Austin Ekeler (2nd round), Julio Jones (3rd round), and now Dak Prescott (9th round) have all missed or will miss significant time this season. Prescott had been a stalwart of GRIM’s squad this season, and until he can get some of his playmakers back, owner Jared Grimm will be forced to build his roster out of James Robinson and scotch tape. At first, I had this paragraph as ‘Oof of the Week’ until I realized I would literally be adding insult to injury. All that in mind, it’s rather impressive that with this roflstomping behind them, GRIM is still above .500. They’ll be forced to hold fast against a formidable Too Many Cooks squad next week.

So about those SHTS. You may have noticed a 0.0 in their active lineup, from stud WR Michael Thomas no less. 0.0 from Thomas hasn’t been unusual this year because he has been out with an injury since week 1, but this week he was scheduled to be back. So, during the week owner Zach Pauras returns his first round pick to his rightful place in the roster. All is well until late afternoon on Sunday when Thomas is suddenly ruled out, not for an injury but for allegedly being a big doo-doo head to a teammate. At the time, Pauras was driving through Wisconsin (first mistake), blissfully unaware that his sheets were indeed outdated. By the time he noticed the change, all of his benched receivers had been locked in. His only option at this point is to go pick up a Monday or Tuesday night player from Free Agency. But there’s a problem...

Meet Le’Veon Bell. Like Thomas, he was injured in week 1 and expected to return week 5, but unlike Thomas, he was given an IR slot by both the Jets and the SHTS. Also unlike Thomas, Bell wasn’t expected to be a top-tier talent this year, so it would make sense if Pauras wasn’t closely monitoring his recovery. Saturday afternoon, right about the time most people have lives, Bell is activated from the Jets injured reserve, making him now ineligible for the SHTS IR slot. The way fantasy football punishes this is prohibiting any moves until the uninjured player is moved from IR. So at Noon on Sunday, when Paurus was whipping by cheese castles on 94 and Bell was locked in for the Jets, outdated those sheets would stay. SHTS went on to lose by 49 and would be outscored by their own bench. “I understand how it works, it doesn’t mean I am happy about it.” said Paurus of the kerfuffle. It should be noted that, at time of posting, Bell has been cut by the Jets but is still sitting comfortably in the SHTS IR.

Now, all that said, how important was that mix-up? Was Pauras really going to find someone from a limited Free Agency pool to make an actual difference in that game? No, almost certainly not. And that’s what makes this final detail the true Oof in my mind: After missing out on replacing Thomas Monday night and down by almost 90, Paurus had an opportunity to bench his two remaining starters and end the week with 69 points. He did not. Instead Derrick Henry and Josh Allen played and they were fine. Just fine. He finished with 105 points on the week, which is fine. Not great. Just fine. The question I have for Paurus is: Why be ‘fine’ when you could have been ‘nice’? 

That’s enough for the Oof of the Week.

WEEK 6 MATCHUPS

Knobby Packers (4-1) vs. Hostert with the Mostert (2-3)

Team Grimm (3-2) vs. Too Many Cooks (4-1)

Outdated Sheets (2-3) vs. When Does Hockey Start (2-3)

Respect the Specs (1-4) vs. 3 Pete (2-3)

No league news this week. Take care y’all. Kiss your moms, kiss your knees. Kiss your mom’s knees. Do what you gotta do and good luck in Week 6!